Cyberbullying Infographic Tells the Story

Jen Martinson of Secure Thoughts contacted me with this very important and interesting infographic for cyberbullying that Secure Thoughts developed. I asked her if I could share and she also shared the below message with me for you to read. Thank you to Secure Thoughts for all the important work they are doing. Check out their website. ~Alan Eisenberg


A lot of us know what bullying feels like, but in recent years, an even more prevalent trend has been the onset of cyberbullying. This means using the internet—whether it’s social media, email, or another medium—to attack a victim, making them feel harassed, embarrassed, or some other nasty combination of feelings. It’s ridiculously prevalent amongst teens, with some studies estimating that 70% of teens will experience cyberbullying at some point…and yet most adults are unaware or unworried about this phenomenon, which can cause students to miss school, use drugs or alcohol, or even have long-term health problems or self-esteem issues! You can see an informative Infographic at Secure Thoughts.

Here are some things you need to make sure you’re doing:

  • Know what your kids are doing online. Blocking sites may not always be the best route to take: your kids may be able access those sites at friends’ houses or at school anyway, so then you’ve only further limited your control over things. Instead, create an open environment for using the internet. Put the computer in a neutral area in your house and check the browser history every so often to see what your kids are spending their time doing.
  • Limit the amount of computer time your kids have. Your kids may pitch a fit, but make sure they’re doing their homework, reading books, and talking to people outside of a computer screen as well. If their whole lives aren’t on the screen, cyberbullying will generally have less of an impact.
  • Promote safe web practices. Talk to your kids about limiting the amount of information they post online, outlining specific reasons why they should. Make sure your kids have created decent passwords that can’t be cracked by just anyone. Use a strong VPN (Virtual Private Network) to get a more secure internet connection that leaves personal information less susceptible to hackers. And do whatever else you can to make sure your kids realize that using the web is not without its responsibilities—it’s a tool, just like a saw or a hammer, and it comes with rules.

But the real, number one thing you’ll want to make sure you’re doing is educating yourself—knowing what risks there are and working to prevent against them. For more information, let’s take a look at this infographic:

Cyberbullying

Changing the Bad into Good

A Ladder in the Dark bookThree years ago, I fell into a depression. This should not have surprised me, as I started a website called “The Long-term Effects of Bullying”. Unfortunately, I knew that what I wrote was true, but thought that I had been recovered. But it wasn’t so. As anxiety and then depression overwhelmed my whole being, I truly realized, even 5 years after starting this website, that I still needed help myself.

I did have choices. I could continue to do nothing and blame my low self-worth and my anger and resentment on the bullying that happened to me as a youth. I could take medicine that would mask many of the symptoms, but never fully cure me. Or I could seek true help from both books, groups who deal with the same thing, and professionals who knew ways to help people like me.

I think you know that I took the third option. It was still a long two-year climb out of depression and anxiety, but it does and for me did get better. Of course the biggest challenge was to come face to face with the bullying that I went through and accept it was in the past and could not be changed. Then, and only then, could I move forward.

Today, I am happy to say that I have and will continue to realize my true dream, which was always to help bullying survivors to overcome and thrive in life. Is it a lot of work? Yes, of course, because every day we see the results of bullying in national news where another child has taken their life, or a county is being sued, or new statistics come out.

Before I fell into depression, I had set some goals for myself. Many goals I couldn’t realize, because I didn’t have the self-confidence to move along with them.

1. Start a real company to try to help bullying survivors recover

2. Write a book of my experience with bullying

I am happy to say, that you can turn bad into good and I have now met both those goals and am moving forward on this journey that I hope you will continue with me on.

Bullying Recovery, LLCIn February, I started my company called Bullying Recovery. It will work on many ways to try to reach out and help both bullying survivors and long-term bully to find recovery and move forward to thrive in life.

I am also happy to announce that Bullying Recovery’s first product is my biography, called “A Ladder In The Dark”. It is my story of how bullying changed my life, the long-term effects (C-PTSD) that I went through, and how I found my recovery through the help of many people. My book is now available worldwide through Amazon and Smashwords.

So, I am here to tell you that dreams can come true and that you can get better and meet your goals if you let yourself find a way out of the hole. Three years ago, I thought my life and good days were over. Today, I believe that my good days are still in front of me and it feels amazing. It was very hard work (probably the hardest work in my life), but now I feel that I am truly healed of my bullying damage. There are and always will be some scars, but I hardly notice them anymore.

I also want to share another good thing that has come out of the bad of my bullying. Along the way, I have met a wonderful community of people who also share the vision to help deal with bullying issues. Recently I met Dr. Robert Wright, Jr. and Christine Wright, M.A. of the company “Stress Free Now”. They had found me through another group that liked what I was doing and interviewed me and wanted to do a Podcast with me. We talked through email the phone and realized that we enjoyed what each other was saying and doing.

They are both amazing people and I now communicate with them often and we share our visions. After we did the Podcast, they have continued to support and help me. You can listen to our Podcast called “Bullying: How to Heal the Hurt” through the following links:

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/stress-free-now/id991567073

Stitcher Radio: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/stressfreenow?refid=stpr

Podomatic: http://stressfreenow.podomatic.com/entry/2015-06-19T06_25_34-07_00

StressFreeNow: http://www.stressfreenow.info/alan-eisenberg-discusses-bullying-how-to-heal-the-hurt/

Blubrry: https://www.blubrry.com/stressfreenow/2724735/alan-eisenberg-discusses-bullying-how-to-heal-the-hurt/

I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am to Bob and Christine and how wonderful it feels now to realize you are not alone and that a community is out there to support you or me or whoever needs the help. I am just one voice in this wonderful community of people who understand that bullying is not only wrong, but damaging and that we can make a difference.

Please consider reading my book, joining a discussion on my new business website and being a part of this community. If you are currently in pain, due to bullying, reach out and we will answer. You are never alone. I was never alone. After 8 years of sharing with you my thoughts and stories, I can finally say with all honesty that I believe it can get better if you let it and seek out the help you may need to overcome a tough mental challenge. Here’s to the future and the bright glow of a day when we can say we have made a change in the issue of bullying and the damage it does.

What Is “A Ladder In The Dark”?

I am happy to announce that, after eight years of blogging about the long-term effects of bullying, doing countless speeches to groups on the subject, and fighting for the issue to be recognized, that I am adding author to the mix of learning. Ironically a new study in England shows that bullying does have a correlation to adult depression. I don’t call this good news, but just news that we needed to hear. Hopefully it will lead to further change.

But first, I am getting set to release in book Paperback and eBook format my book titled “A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance”. For long-term readers of this website, this book is not a surprise as I mentioned it at the beginning of the year.

So what is “A Ladder In The Dark” and why did I title it that?

Good question, the ladder is symbolic for the idea of being in a very dark place, which seems to  have no escape, because it’s too dark to see. But for me, there was a ladder in this dark hole that I call anxiety and depression from youth bullying, but I couldn’t see it to escape. The book is about my journey of how I got to this hole and how I did finally find the way out. The book is a biography of what I went through and how I finally found my self-esteem years after the end of bullying, dealing with anxiety, and a dark depression.

For those interested, you can read and review the first chapter of “A Ladder In the Dark” at the Createspace site. I also have a video commercial for the book so you can learn more. I will announce here when it is released, planned for July 2015. I am very excited to share this announcement with you and look forward to your feedback:

Please share any feedback at the Createspace site or here on the blog site. Also visit my new company website at bullyingrecovery.org to learn about the other ways I am working to help change minds on the subject of the long-term effects of bullying.

~Alan Eisenberg

The Decision to Leave

I am proud to have guest blogger and author K.P. Gazelle share here writing here on the Bullying Stories site. It is always wonderful to have young adult authors share both their knowledge and wisdom through their words on this site. K.P Gazelle is the author of The Color of Happiness, a contemporary young adult novel. Gazelle has been connected with young adults in some way for as long as she can remember. She’s obsessed with coffee, books, and big dreams. Visit her online at www.kpgazelle.com. ~ Alan Eisenberg


The Decision to Leave
K.P Gazelle

Her puffy eyes and wrinkles stood out even more under the fluorescent lighting. She had to be older than my mom. How could I yell back? And what was she doing in the middle of my classroom shouting at me in front of my students, anyway?

At this workplace, not too long ago, life crept into an unbearable state of unhealthiness. Moments like these were not too uncommon, and I soon found it increasingly harder to get out of bed each morning. I would try motivating myself with pep talks and reminders of how I was touching the lives of young children. But even that can only take me so far.

Adult bullies are trained in their strategies and tactics because they most often have been bullies their entire lives. It’s a lot harder to pin point what an adult is saying or doing to qualify them as a bully, but they’re bullies just the same. And being targeted hurts.

The thing about being bullied, whether as a child or an adult, is that it makes you doubt your self-worth, plummets your self-esteem, and makes you question the reason for your existence. Sometimes, it breaks your soul.

But what’s important to remember is that the bully is the one with the problem, not you. And that your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

I suffered for two long years, during which I exhausted every resource I had to improve matters. My complaints fell on the deaf ears of our human resource department; my director turned a blind eye.

I was alone.

I knew I had to leave, but how could I just walk away? How could I leave after giving so much of myself to the students and school over the years? How would I continue to support my family? And my identity as a teacher—what would I do with my life?

It took months and months of intense contemplation, consultation, and prayer until I finally found the strength and courage to send in my resignation letter at the end of the school year. A decision for which I can never thank myself enough.

Sometimes, removing yourself from a toxic situation is the greatest service you can do. Because, let’s face it, you are worth much more than any paycheck and above anyone’s abuse.

Bullies are Satanists (A Personal Story)

The fear of death from bullying is very real when you are young. As hard as it is to believe when you are older, when a young bully threatens to kill their victim, in many cases, including my own, we believe they will. I always then think about what actions can a victim take. They could ignore the threat and not believe it. They could see it as credible and then a few actions can take place. If they have a strong school system, community, and/or family, they might talk to them. But in several cases, this can lead to either bullycide (the victim committing suicide to avoid any further torture) or worse, taking a weapon to school out of fear and possibly using it. It is a very thin line for the bully victim in these cases. Rob’s story below shows how this problem can and does escalate. ~Alan Eisenberg


Boy with fists upI have had many good and bad experiences in this life, but  (never thought I’d make it this far), but the absolute worst day of my life came in my freshman year in high school.

It was 1981, spring I think, and after school I was yet again waiting for the bus when my own custom designed personal tormentor decided to amuse himself with me.

But my elementary school friend decided to intervene. He told B to stop messing with me and as M was part of a very strong gang, B quickly agreed.

“Yes sir, I won’t touch R anymore.” I was amazed and thankful. I was also foolish. When a bully is committed to acts of terror, rage and hate, a warning won’t stop them. And my own stupidity also just about killed me … buoyed by my success at getting B to stop assaulting me, on the way home, behind B, I started gently calling him names (I thought he was listening to his Walkman).

I felt uplifted, strong … powerful as I quietly called B every curse word I could call to mind. Halfway through this, B turned in his seat and slugged my arm, promising that he heard me and he would deal with me when we got off the bus.

In front of our elementary school, we came off the bus and B waited until the bus pulled away and then, another old classmate – excuse me, asshole – came over and started assaulting me. At this time, I rolled into a very tight ball on the ground and was totally terrified.

Fortunately, not much happened. Except for the emotional abuse, the 2nd bully stepped away and as I was going home in tears again, B started joking and laughing loudly at the way I was walking.

I continued going home, but after I crossed the soccer field, I was jumping up and down , crying and cursing in rage … when I got home I remembered that my dad had a rifle or something and I tried to find it. If I had, even though I didn’t really understand the concept of bullets yet, I was going to race down to B’s house, and threaten him with the rifle.

Thank God none of that happened, but, after my experience with B, I transferred out of that school into a smaller setting, where bullies were not as tolerated.

And, since that day, I have been bullied many times, but never again did I fear that I was going to die.

And, God also moved in my life – now I have hope.

~Rob

Bullying Recovery – Support a Book and a Company

Bully-RecoveryRecently, I have embarked on an adventure to turn my passion into a reality to help others that suffer with the long-term effects of bullying and C-PTSD to recover and thrive. I have mentioned one of my initiatives, which is to write a book. I am happy to announce that the writing of the book currently titled “A Ladder In The Dark: A Journey from Bullying to Self-acceptance” has been completed being written and should be edited and released by this summer.

I am also happy to announce that I have formed a company around my feelings on the issues of the long-term effects of bullying called Bullying Recovery, LLC. It is with great hope that I plan to try to devote my full-time to the issue of bullying and working toward the recovery of those that suffer from its long-term effects.

It has been eight years that I have devoted much of my free time at no cost to this issue. As the issue and the demand of my time continue to increase, I would like to be able to make this side work of mine, my full work. In order to do so, I have decided that you and people you know can help me through crowdfunding the startup costs and continued rising costs of publishing the book, that I believe will help many people who are currently suffering.

I have set up a site at:

http://www.gofundme.com/bullyrecovery 

You can go there and donate as little or as much as you can to help me continue to do this very important work on the issue of bullying. Through your dollars, I will be able to publish the book and get it distributed, set up more speaking engagements, and start a company with the main focus being the psychological recovery of people who suffer with C-PTSD. I would also like to work with the schools/universities to set up better research and support for school administrators and social workers to learn how to detect and work with bullying victims and bullies.

Please consider making a donation and following me at: http://www.gofundme.com/bullyrecovery

I truly believe that, with you help, I can continue to make a difference and even bigger impact on the issue of bullying than I have over the last eight years of work that I have done pro bono. Thank you for considering to help me with the cost of book publishing and starting up my company. I will continue to keep people updated through the Bullying Recovery Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bullying-Recovery-LLC/1567410660204123 and through my twitter page @bullyinglte

Please consider liking both to receive more updates and thank you for supporting me and this cause for all these years.

Bully Incident: – The Sewer (1974)

This is the second in my repeats of stories past as I have been writing my novel. I think many kids feared sewers, particularly after Stephen King released “IT”, certainly a book that tied to the fear of sewers. Since writing this story many years ago, I realize that things like feeling trapped or claustrophobic are common place feelings for people with C-PTSD damage from bullying or abuse. It is the idea of not being able to escape. To help confront this, I would force myself to sit in the middle at movie theaters, go to the barber and try not to panic in the barber chair and go to crowded places. Even though I wanted to run away at the height of my anxiety, I forced myself to stay through the panic attack and eventually, I stopped having them. There is only one way to go with anxiety, and that is confront it head on and go through it. Just as the kids who become adults do in Stephen King’s novel, IT. ~Alan Eisenberg


I have mentioned before how our brains have a tendency to put certain memories in the far backs of our heads. They are forgotten there, until sometimes a trigger can bring them forward.

Pretty much all of my stories I have told on this blog are from my days in Lexington, MA. But, something triggered me to remember the earliest incident I can recall the other day. I’ll call this the Sewer Incident. It’s more of a minor story, but still was an early bullying in my life. I don’t know why I had forgotten it, because when I recalled it, I realized how scary it was when I was only 6 years old in 1974.

We were living in Bowie, MD at the time. I was in 1st grade and took a long bus ride to school. I recall only fleeting memories of what happened, but my older sister was with me to help me recall more.

ITThe bus stop was at a sewer. I was a pretty small kid and, of course, there were kindergarten to 6th grade kids at the bus. One of the older kids had taken the sewer cap off the sewer. Of course these were very heavy metal things.

For some reason they chose me that day. They put me down in the sewer. I can’t recall if it was a bet or just a forced concept, but they made me climb down there. Then they put the lid back on it.

It was dark. I yelled for them to let me up. Instead they sat on it and taunted me from below. I recall just crying and being quite scared. Years later, the author Stephen King made me realize I was not alone in my fears of the dark sewer in his book “IT”.

My sister was yelling for them to stop and let me up. When they didn’t, she started running home and told them she was going to get my parents to come down. Once they heard that, they changed their minds and let me out.

OK, not the worst story and probably more of a joke to them than true bullying, but still something that scared a small 6 year old. I recall years later being offered the chance to go down the sewers at my college for what was billed as a fun night of sewer running by my college friends. I respectfully declined the invitation.

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