Moving On

moving vanI spent the weekend saying goodbye to a friend that has lived two hours away from me for the last 25+ years and who is now moving 5,000 miles away. I have thought about him a lot these last few weeks. I have thought a lot about how this might be part of my blog about bullying. Why would it?

We met during college. We were in the same major. He was one of those friends that always had my back. We shared a love of the same hobby and could talk hours on that. My family and I were all in his wedding. And when his marriage didn’t work out, we were there as well. He has been there for me and my family and we have been there for him.

But…there’s always a but in life, isn’t there. The one interesting thing I always thought as someone who has been close to family is that he wasn’t. We didn’t talk much about his family. He had tried unsuccessfully several times to repair his relationship with his mom, sisters, family, but to no avail. Why does this matter? Because of the reason, he had something happen. Maybe it was some form of abuse, but something happened. It’s something he kept in him and I learned to not ask any further than I did. I won’t share here any further what I do know, but I do know that the pain of abuse scars us. Sometimes for life.

I often thought about that with him and how I always felt he denied sometimes his true feelings and thoughts due to this issue. He is truly one of the most caring people I know. But sometimes I thought it a cover for what was truly under the surface and that his loss of honesty, maybe with himself or with me or whoever he wanted to trust held him back.

Abuse scars us and if we ignore it and let it go to the back of our thoughts, it doesn’t go away, it just festers. My friend finally found a partner to spend his days with. I hope it is someone who he can open up fully to. I hope he finds the peace that I think alludes him at times. If that means getting help or finding the outlet for that need, then I hope he seeks it out.

I will miss him and our talks about our shared hobby. I will miss our trips to find hobby shops and sharing holidays and visits. But I always hoped that he would find his peace. Maybe moving on, away from where the pain was will help? I hope it does.

4 thoughts on “Moving On

  1. I agree that abuse does scar us and I also can relate to his wanting to move, start a “fresh” life, so to speak. Not necessarily run from the wounds that are deep within, but it can be part of the healing process. This is something that I have chosen to do in my early 40’s and it’s been the best decision of my life, one of the healthiest! Wishing him all the best.

  2. You left me me wondering what your shared hobby was. Mine, in the ’60s and ’70s, was building model airplanes, and, armored vehicles – like tanks – from WW I, WW II, and the Korean War.

    For me, it was not only an deeply held and enjoyable interest.

    Equally, it was a kind of refuge.

    Thanks for your fine and necessary blog.

    I hope your friend does well.

    • Since you asked, our shared hobby is comic book collecting, which not only was my hobby, but also one of my escapes from the bullies as a child. Think Peter Parker or Bruce banner. Many comics are actually about overcoming bullying type enemies.

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