Below is Chris’s story and one that is difficult to read. He talks of paranoia and fear and right now he is feeling it, yet only a few months away from getting away. He asks for help at the end, really a cry for help. Can anyone answer his call? ~Alan Eisenberg
My names Chris. I’ve been bullied from the time I step foot on my secondary school ( Year 7 ) till present day ( Year 11 ) .
I have 3 more months left until absolute freedom, and I’m really stressing to find out how long 3 months actually fly past to anyone who’s been bullied for a long time at 16 years old. I am experiencing a lot of cussing and laughing and taunting from many boys in my year, and I actually don’t know how long I can stay strong before I have a breakdown. I’m frightened to see certain boys in my year every day because I know if I see them in my lessons or in the playground, the same thing always comes, the taunting about how i got pushed or who i am as a person.
I am really really confused into why they do it, and I have managed to not cry from the very point i realised I am starting to get hated by people and getting cussed till now, but I really am starting to crack. I HATE those boys, and i don’t know what to do at this moment of time. The fact that there’s only 3 months left is the only thought i have got to hang on to, but i feel depressed, frightened about walking past or getting attention from the specific, horrible bullies, i feel paranoid, every night I’m going to bed without having to think what happened today, WHY it happened. What could’ve happened if they just left me alone, why do they HAVE to taunt me, am I that much different from a normal human? do they have to do what they did today? Every night I try to block out those thoughts by keeping myself occupied with something, but it’s always there. Even now I’m paranoid about what might happen If actually, the bullies might see this on the internet and taunt me even more back at school.
I”m frightened and paranoid of what’s going to happen tomorrow in a specific lesson, at a specific time, If i try to try new ways into avoiding that boy, moving away from him, try to not get his attention, it would force myself to not be MYSELF, to not hang out with my friends in that area, since they have no problem into hanging in that area and don’t recieve any bullying. I have no reason to just force them to come with me because im getting bullied, That would seem greedy. They are great friends, so that covers it.
I have no idea what to do. Does anyone experience this in some sort of way, or have they been through those times and is a recovering victim? I don’t know what to do. I really need some help into what i should do. Should i stick it out for the remaining 3 months? I’m getting so much headaches when I go to sleep, i hold on to my will and strength into not crying because of many factors. For one im a boy, and boy’s don’t cry. But im on the edge. I spoke to my local GP, and he said I;m not going mad, im just very frightened, extremely scared, and that it’s not my fault. I hold on to this thought as well, but it really seems that i can’t take much of this anymore, even for three months. I pray. But that’s it. I don’t believe in karma, because i know for a fact karma hasn’t helped for such a long time.
To anyone who happens to read this, and is one of those boys/girls at 16 who have been through this horrible struggle, I hope to share your experiences and gain more hope into pulling through this traumatizing months. To everyone who have been a victim, i know what you can be going through. Even though I am struggling myself, I’m hear to say that
THEY ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE BETTER THAN YOU. YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY NATURE MADE YOU AND THE WAY YOU WERE BROUGHT UP. IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THAT YOU HAPPEN TO COME ACROSS SUCH DISGUSTING BULLIES. THEY ARE NOT BETTER THEN YOU. ANY NAME THAT THEY CALL YOU CANNOT MAKE YOU WEAKER OR WORSE THAN WHAT YOU ARE NOW. THEY CANNOT REMOVE YOUR TALENTS OR YOU EXISTENCE BY MOVING THEIR LIPS AND MAKING SUCH HORRIBLE SOUNDS COME OUT. THEIR OPINIONS CANNOT DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON. YOU ARE STRONG. BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, THESE ARE JUST WORDS ON A COMPUTER, BUT PRETEND THIS IS A VOICE. THEIR OPINIONS DON’T MATTER. YOUR LIFE CANNOT BE BASED ON THEIR OPINIONS. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.
THERE IS AN END TO EVERY ROAD. I’M SURE OF IT. HOW YOU TRAVEL THE ROAD IS WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE, HOW YOU DEAL WITH THESE BULLIES ARE EVERYTHING. DON’T MAKE THEM BIGGER THEN YOU. THEY THINK THEY ARE, BUT THEY ARE NOT.
I’m going through these very stages as I speak. I hope that these 3 months can end, but I’m desperate. Please advise me into what to do during these three months. I will be SO grateful to hear from anyone that is going through or has been through this.
The best wishes in everything you do people. Be happy, stay safe, and good luck. the very best of it.
I hope i pull through this, and If i do, i will come back to this blog and share with you some more. =)