Permanent Damage (A Personal Story)

When I read Kristy’s story below I just thought it all too familiar against the others as well. It begs the question, why do the same people get bullied no matter where they move to and what they do to try to prevent it? What is it that attracts a bully, or in the cast of Kristy, many bullies to us? Why are some of us targets? Certainly studies show a correlation between certain traits and being bullied. It doesn’t make it fair or easier to read stories like Kristy’s below, but we still have to figure out how to break the cycle that bullying can become before further permanent damage is done to us. ~Alan Eisenberg

I honestly can’t remember a time of when I WASN’T bullied. I can remember going to daycare at the age of 5 and being teased by the other kids for my overbite. And when I went to the care taker and told her what the other kids were doing she told me that those things were true and so she saw no issue with what the others were doing. This was only to be the beginning of my life and sadly still my life in the business world.

In elementary school I was teased, shoved, and bullied tremendously. I didn’t have a single friend, but how could I when I didn’t trust anyone. I had sand thrown in my face during recess, my lunch would get drinks poured over it which would result in me getting in trouble with the teachers because I refused to eat my food. I would get balls thrown at my face and knock off my glasses and make my nose bleed. Time and time again I would go to teacher, principles, and counselors and no one would help me. I can remember one day my mom came to my school to record some of the things that were happening to me and even still the school staff didn’t see any wrong doings. They continued to blame me for the incidents.

Sadly I quickly began to believe them.

Then in fifth grade my family moved to Kentucky. I thought it as a great chance to start fresh since no one would know who I was or my past. That dream faded nearly as quickly as it started.

Not only were the students teasing me but I had to deal with my teacher as well. She wouldn’t give me my assignments, so I struggled to pass. And because my grades were slipping I was in trouble at home as well. And my parents never did want to believe me that a teacher would withhold assignments from a student.

I dreaded every year valentines would come along. Those little cards for class were horrible. My parents always made me get a box and write nice stuff to my classmates because it was a requirement that every student give one to every student in the class. When I got my bag it would only have a handful and the ones that were in there were anything but nice. They would have ugly pictures drawn of me to match harming words. Then when students saw that they got a card from me they would say across the room horrible things and act completely disgusted. All the while the teacher sitting and not doing a thing to stop it.

Then came middle school. This is when things started becoming more physical for me. These three years are a complete blur. I have tried to block most of it out. But I do remember on graduation day having to be escorted by security guards because of threats that I had received. I do remember though that I would have to run home after getting off the bus for fear of getting caught and getting beaten. I remember one time even I wasn’t as fast as I had hoped and got taken down by 5 other kids in my neighborhood and having a whole cans worth of silly string shoved and held in my mouth. They wanted me to swallow it but I refused and took the beating instead.

High school was without a doubt my most frightening time. By this time I couldn’t go to my parents and family for support because even they had stopped believing to the fact that my teasing was this bad let alone still continuing.

I am probably the only person who has nearly failed PE, not by choice. I can remember one day in particular very clearly. It was a requirement for us to change into our gym clothes before class started. I had gotten teased while dressing with the other girls so I started going into a bathroom stall that was in the changing room. I couldn’t even get relief for this. One particular girl that I was terrified of came very loudly stomping up to the stall I was in. I quickly locked the door but I could sense the evil look on her face just on the other side. She ordered for me to come out or I would suffer the consequences. I was petrified. What could I do, if I came out I knew I would surely get it. But if I stayed where I was I stood somewhat of a chance. So I stayed where I was. I was shaking I was trapped. Then the next thing I knew she had kicked the locked door open. It slammed against my face with a hard thud. Then she left me there laying on the floor with my head up against the toilet. I went out to tell the PE teacher what had just happened with blood gushing out of my nose and my face cut up and he only told me that what is done is done nothing he can do about it now and that he saw no issue. I shouldn’t have been in the stall in the first place but changing out with all the other girls. Needless to say I never went that changing room again.

I have permanent hearing damage because on a daily basis for four straight years I had trumpets blasted in my ears.

And on my very last day of school, at my very last class. My band teacher who I had all through high school came up and told me, exact words, “I’m happy to see you go because you were my least favorite student of all.”

I figured that when I left school and into the business world that the bullying would get better. But I’m still waiting for that moment. I’m still harassed on a daily basis. Even as far as being sexually molested at one of my jobs.

Now the way I cope with it is by emotionally shutting down when it happens. It is all I can do.


14 thoughts on “Permanent Damage (A Personal Story)

  1. Wow this has me speach less.I wonder what makes people so evil and like to hurt others. Just live life and follow God because he has something for you. I know this must be very tough for you to go through just step up for your self and not let people take advantage of you.

  2. Dear Kristy,
    I wish I had words to undo all of the injustice you’ve suffered for a lifetime. I don’t. I’m realistic enough to know that all I can tell you is that I believe you. No one should have to suffer as you have. You’ve taken a brutal beating in your spirit, mind, body, and soul.

    I don’t know how you survived to have been the target of so many. But one thing is very clear to me: you are a better human than all of them. You are better than all of those teachers who didn’t have the balls to step in on your behalf. Especially the band teacher.

    You didn’t deserve it. I hope you really do know that. You were put on this earth for a reason.

    I understand that shutting down is your survival technique but I want to encourage you to not shut everyone out. I know you don’t trust anyone…but if you ever want to talk, I would love to listen.

    You deserve to live a life that doesn’t feel like a battlefield. Hang in there, Kristy. You are an incredible survivor and I admire you more than words can say.

  3. You know what that is so hard to hear, I cried for you. Because no one knows what it’s like to be doing nothing at all and even have your family desert you. I think you need to let yourself be aggressive. I think you need to allow yourself to be misanthropic and sadistic. Most people are and they are too fuckin stupid to realize they are so ugly and worthless inside. You have the ability to be an aware and totally sacrificial and kind human being. You need to have the ability to put other people who honestly have so little self awareness it’s depressing… Back in their place with is below you. You may hate that idea but the sooner you realize you can’t trust people and you shouldn’t ever, and that no one is better than you, and that in reality 95% of people need to be told what to do all the time , you’ll bein to be happier. People are so stupid they don’t understand natural decency. You have to beat it emotionally into them and make them grovel. It’s a tough world and you have to sacrifice parts of yourself… There are beautiful things… The human species overall is not one of those things.

  4. I am just…speechless…Those cold hearted wicked witches…..I am so sorry Kristy…I wish I was there to comfort you at those times because no one deserves to be bullied at any circumstances.

  5. Thank you for the comments everyone. It is difficult, and I do tend to hold things in. But I just live life day to day. Not really sure what has possessed me to come out with a snipet of my story but I guess in hopes that someone else will see it and know that they are not the only ones. And the ones that are bully’s might see what they are doing and maybe stop.

    I did get quite a shock the other day though. I often run into others from my school years still and when they recognize who I am I quickly tell them I have no idea who they are talking about. And they quickly move on. But one imparticular didn’t fall for this. She knew exactly who I was and she was one of the worst bully’s in my past. I’m not sure at this point if she meant it or not but, she told me that she was sorry for all that she had said to me in the past and had treated me, and for what it was worth she was sorry. I was shocked and speachless and at that moment a very very small part of me healed.

    I just wanted to add a bit of a happy note to my story.

  6. dear kristy i feel for u i have the same probs at my skool sumtimes just as harsh even tho i hav frends they still treet me poorly so just hang in ther n always no that jesus is always in ur hart

  7. Kristy – I am so sorry. I’m crying right now. I can definetely identify with you and I can’t express how much I wished someone had been there for you. Something like that scars the soul but I hope you do amazing in life and become everything I know you can become. I want to say that it get’s better and it does. It does. Although you might feel depressed and have thoughts that you feel that you shouldn’t have doesn’t reflect on your person. You are amazing and incredibly strong. I wish you the best in life. Stay strong and be all you can be. *Internet hug*

  8. Kristy – I am so sorry. I’m crying right now. I can definetely identify with you and I can’t express how much I wished someone had been there for you. Something like that scars the soul but I hope you do amazing in life and become everything I know you can become. I want to say that it get’s better and it does. It does. Although you might feel depressed and have thoughts that you feel that you shouldn’t have doesn’t reflect on your person. You are amazing and incredibly strong. I wish you the best in life. Stay strong and be all you can be. Prove all of these awful, disgusting people wrong . They are nothing and they don’t deserve a single minute of your time. *Internet hug*

  9. Dear Kristy,
    This made me gasp for air as I read this. The cruelty and severity of the bullying is so indescribable, and those teachers didn’t even help!

    At my school, there’s always that annual assembly they have about promoting a bully-free environment, about telling someone you trust about being bullied. To be honest, that is just full of crap. And bullying isn’t a Hollywood movie were in the end, everyone gets along. They don’t. There’s always gonna be that person or people that are just so rude and are jealous of you. They will hate you. Trust me, I’ve been there too, meeting so many people like that.

    When people think about bullying, they always think to themselves, “Oh, if I was being bullied, I would go tell my parents and my teacher and everything would turn out alright.” But the thing is, it’s easier to say that you’d act a certain way in a situation, but when you’re actually PUT into the situation, you’d actually act differently.

    When I was in middle school, my friend and I were bullied by these two boys. They picked on a lot of 6th graders, yet they were the most popular students in the 6th grade. Everybody hated them, yet everybody thought that they were cool and liked them. And whenever they picked on me and my friend, nobody stood up for us. They made SUCH a big deal of every small thing I did! If I raised my hand to answer a teacher’s question, they would tease me and call me a teacher’s pet. When I was talking with my friend, they would randomly come up and tell me that I’m stupid and that everybody thinks I’m ugly.

    This was hard, and I wanted it to stop. I never told my parents or my teachers because I was so scared that what those two guys weren’t bullying, and that they would just wave it away. So I never told anyone about it, except for my younger sister, who was in the 3rd grade at that time.

    Eventually, I stood up to them. Little by little. I would say the same things back at them, and then they would be surprised and tried to diss me again with a lame comeback like “That took you, like 5 minutes to say.” But they started bothering me less.

    And now that I’m in high school, I rarely see him around. When I do though, I just make a cool eye contact and just walk past. It’s hard, though, to shake off pain that you’ve experienced before. It leaves an invisible scar.

    Honestly, Kristy, I wish I was there with you and that I was your friend. I wish that I am with you right now, to help you cope with this and to help you stand up.

    I understand what you’re going through. And you shouldn’t be going through this. You are a deserving person that deserves a happier life with friends and family. I know this sounds unbelievable, but karma will get back at your bullies. Maybe you won’t be there to see it, but what goes around, comes around.

    I wish you best of luck in your future, and I hope you find happiness and that you should never be bullied ever again. No one need’s to experience such pain like this, because being bullied is something NO ONE can ignore.

  10. If you are a corporation seeking to improve staff morale, improve productivity, or develop better customar relations skills,you may want to consider trainings to “anti-bullying” or school violence.If you are a social service agency, mental healthl ,or Seminar about conflict resolution organization,you may be more interested in training topics related to “school violence, expert witness, and self Injurious Behavior” or “cyberbullying“or “Interviewing techniques for children and Adolescents”.

  11. Dear Kristy,
    I’m a teen. I’m bigger than the average girl. Everyone’s afraid of me because of the determined look on my face. You don’t need to shut down. Find your drive. Your drive to keep on going. My friend, I was bullied too. But I keep getting angrier and angrier. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here. I’ve been known to give very good advice, even if I am young and restless. Maybe you should get another job. If I saw anyone being picked on in the loocker room, I’d be in front of the victim in a moment’s notice. I;m here for ya, bud.

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