Close To Home


I have a very close relationship with my children (although they are not children much anymore). This is important to me to try to maintain and I believe important to them. One of the added benefits to having a good strong relationship with your children is that you get to know their friends. Some of their friends I have known since the day they were born and that gives me a good insight to them.

So, this weekend one of their lifelong friends who I have known since he was born came over. Out of all the years I have known this boy, he is always smiling and positive. He is a good kid, but bookish and shy, who is more comfortable reading a book than interacting with people. I have known quite a few people like this. They are shy and usually quite brilliant when you can talk to them.

Well, when he walked in I could really tell that he was unhappy. He actually seemed angry and withdrawn. It definitely bothered me, because I had never seen him like this. I asked my son what was up and he told me that the boy was being picked on pretty bad at school and that he was pretty down about it.

Feeling Alone

Feeling Alone

This boy was exhibiting physical aspects to this. He was withdrawn and seemed untrusting of all of us. He certainly wasn’t going to talk to any of us about it. It really worried me. Lately I have seen this from several friends of my sons. Not that surprising, because they are in that age point (10-14) where I recall the worst bullying happens. In the couple of instances where the parents did open up I offered to be a mentor to their child and talk with them about both my experiences and theirs. Both times I received the same reaction from the parents.

‘Oh no…thank you, but he doesn’t want to talk about it.’

Of course that goes against what I think, that he should talk about it and understand he is not alone. That others have gone through and are going through this. That help is around them. But I don’t say anything. How can I? I’m not the parent and they need to decide what’s best. So how do I educate the parent to help their son or daughter? What can I do? I guess that’s the question that I’m asking. Any suggestions from the peanut gallery? The biggest thing to me is that they don’t feel hurt. That they know they are not alone. It’s really hard to watch it happen around you. What can we do to make it better?

2 thoughts on “Close To Home

  1. The real travesty is that with all of the documented damages to the health of the targets long term and short term, there does not appear to be a real interest at least in organizations to stop this type of behavior. The school yard bully grows up and becomes the workplace bully boss who drives people to bad health psychologically and financially, and sometimes to commit suicide. It is time that the bully be labeled as criminals because the crimes they commit are real; people are hurt and damaged sometimes permanently, yet the bully walks away free able to continue the same behavior. Please help fight this syndrome by not spectating but being active. Take a survey online at http://DoRightAtWork.com Let’s hold organizations accountable. Read: How Organizations Empower the Bully Boss by Marilyn Veincentotzs at Amazon.com or Barnes and noble.com.

  2. Hi, I’m the mom who put together the heygrrrl blog. Thank you so much for the shout-out on your blog. Many people have come to the site as a result of your link. Thanks!

    I hope that you can get some help for this young man. He reminds me so much of my own son, who also reacted to bullying by becoming withdrawn. If you don’t feel you can approach the parents, then I would go to the school administrators and school teachers.

    I realize that may not be of any help, but someone needs to try. You may be the only person who can step up for this young man if his parents won’t act. That is the sad thing about bullying, when the adults don’t stand up for the children, they have no way out of the problem …

    Thank you for all you do!!!!

    Margaret

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