Bullied By The Jock (A Personal Story)

Some stories are just short and I believe are there just to get it out of the system of the person telling the story. This one I received from David, I believe, is just that kind of story. No extra part of analysis from him, just that it affected him still to this day some years later. ~Alan

---

Hello. I am a 22-year-old male in upstate NY. When I was a teenager in high school I was bullied by a jock. He was a pea brain but very muscular. I was neither. I guess you would call me a typical nerd. He came to our house one day to pick up my sister for a date. She had not arrived at home yet. I told him I did not like the way he treated her and that he should show respect for her. He responded by beating me up, badly. All thought I didn’t know it at the time, my mother had watched the entire incident from inside the living room. Long story short. It turned her on so much she ended up in bed with him. Only thing she said to me was that I should learn how to defend myself.

~David

The Football Bully (A Personal Story)

You can never tell the suffering inside of people from how they might appear outside. I’m sure if you met Duane, the author of this story, you would not know of the pain he had when he was bullied. It stays and doesn’t go away and it takes time and help to heal. ~Alan Eisenberg

---

I was a normal High School freshman, I was popular in the big city and joined the ROTC and played back yard football, then I transferred to a small town high school my mid freshman year.

I was the new kid and knew no one locally except for my family. Younger cousins only in this small town. Had no problems the rest of my freshman year and through the summer of school break. I returned to high school my sophomore year and decided to join the football team and knew right away the other players were all friends and played ball together starting in elementary school.

You had your rich farmers your local elected officials kids and then your trying to make it pay check to pay check family kids. I fell in the try to make it not popular and want to be liked kid. So I joined the football team and throughout my sophomore year I began to be picked on by this one local boy my age on a regular basis during football practice.

I was pushed and popped with a towel and laughed at and made fun of. This went on for most of my sophomore year, I never told anyone or made it known to anyone because it was embarrassing and it only happened during practice and maybe once or twice in the hall upon passing. I thought that if I didn’t say anything it would go away, but it didn’t and it was because others would edge him on and it was funny at my expense.

So one day in the locker room I made up my mind I had enough and if he bullied me one more time I was going to stand up for myself and if it caused me to be beat up then that was what was going to happen. He approached me and began to pick and push me and I all of a sudden and remember I just took it before and never made a sound before, I just all of a sudden push him off me and yelled back at him and told him if he wanted to fight less go and everyone got silent and I think I embarrassed him because he did nothing but go back to his locker and get dressed and left, and everyone else did the same, I was finally left alone and not bullied anymore by him or anyone.

I still wasn’t popular but had a few friends and enjoyed my last two years of high school not bullied. I just wish I had help some of the other kids in school that were being bullied also, but I guess I just was glade it wasn’t me anymore, I do feel sorry and wish I knew what I knew today and could go back to educate them. But it’s never too late to educate and help with stopping this type of crime. Just wanted to share with you, and I still remember all the details to this day 35+ years later.

~Duane

Anxiety – The Truth Hit Me in the Face

For years I was in denial. I started this website 6 years ago. I did it thinking I was mainly “over it” and moving on, yet I was always talking about the long-term effects that the years of bullying had on us.

I thought I was feeling stronger. I thought I was taking two steps forward and then once in a while one step back. I was volunteering. I was helping others. I was speaking. I was doing everying…everything but focusing on myself. On making myself better.

It’s what I’ve always done.

It’s easy to hide behind staying busy. Not facing the demons. Hiding further inside. I was getting good at it. I know I’ve written about it. It started with a Panic Attack when I was at the end of college.

No! Rewind that. I have always had stomach problems. I have always had to eat bland foods. Otherwise, I pay the price (yes, but I won’t go there). At sixteen my mom took me to a GI doctor and I had an upper GI. He said I had a pre-ulcerous condition. I didn’t think much of it really. I enjoyed High School. I enjoyed College. I got married. I went for my job interviews. I noticed that I had some Panic Attacks. Not too often. I do worry a lot, but didn’t think that was special.

Then worry became Anxiety. Mostly about my family and kids. Will my wife leave me? Will my kids be OK if I let them…(fill in the blank)? If I drive long distances, will I have a stomach issue? Will my kids? What does this have to do with bullying?

Sometimes you discover new things about yourself. First it was little.

I started to not like to ride the train system.
I felt trapped. They had no bathrooms.
Then the bus system. Never really needed to take that anyway.
Then airplanes. They are confined and hard to escape.
Then the theater. If I didn’t sit in an aisle, I’d have a stomach ache and panic/anxiety. Then even in the aisle, when the lights went down I felt like running out.
Then the barber. When they strapped me in the seat, I felt trapped. Would feel anxiety/panic.
I worry all the time. I have a short temper, always worried about the kids and family.

All this time, I was a good actor. I didn’t show it or if I did, I masked it. It was pretty hard, but it wasn’t all the time and my stomach was OK. Then, last year, my stomach started hurting all the time. I went back to the GI doctor and had every test they could think of. Ends up I have a hietal hernia and diverticulitis. Basically bad heartburn. Should be able to be handled.

But I am a worrier. I have anxiety. I started to worry all the time, which lead to a constant stomach ache, which lead to more worry, which lead to anxiety and panic, which lead to me never wanting to leave the house. My stomach made my head worry and my head worrying lead to my stomach hurting. It was cyclical, a catch 22, a Pavlovian non-stop issue. I lost 20 pounds…and I wasn’t even trying. I just didn’t want to eat. I was afraid of how I would feel.

I get invited to speak in Lexington and I can’t go, because I am so sick. It was time for me to help myself. I consider myself lucky. I am also obsessed enough to do my research, find support systems needed, and for me, medicine to stop the pain and cycle of problem. Right now I feel better. Next week, maybe, maybe not. Every day is a new day.

I didn’t see this coming. I didn’t want to face it. But the best way to stop it is to face it full on. And now that is what I am doing. I feel like the “physician heal thyself”, but that’s the way it is. It’s time to break the cycle.

A few weeks ago I met with someone who feels their life was ruined by the years of bullying they suffered when they were younger. Now I wonder if I’m not part of that either. Have I never really dealt with the PTSD I suffered back then, even though life has been good and mostly successful? I admit it’s been a very tough year and maybe a mid-life crisis for me as well. My dad has been battling cancer all year, my son is struggling in his first year of college, and my other son is more like me than I ever want to see him be.

I want to be strong for my wife. I am a man after all. I should be strong, right? Well, this is the truth. This is why I created this website. This is the adult perspective. No one ever helped me when I was young. No one ever taught me how to deal with Anxiety and Worry and Panic. I hid it and then pretended it went away. It’s not all bad, sometimes you need to worry. But if someone noticed when I was young and taught me some of the coping mechanisms I am learning now, maybe I wouldn’t be here.

Don’t ignore it, face it. Don’t hide in your place and not go out and face the part you don’t want to face. Don’t let those things that took you down before take you down now. It’s so easy to say, but now I have to DO. I felt embarrassed  I felt alone. I found out through reading, sharing, and support that I am not. In fact many of us feel these ways. Many of us do nothing about it and then for many of us, they hide in their place. Never to be seen or experience life.

I don’t want to do that. I won’t do that. I will rise above this. I can and I know that the help of sharing with others can make the difference. I hope you understand why I shared this. Don’t ignore anyone that says they are suffering with worry, anxiety, or panic. Don’t think it’s easy and don’t think it’s easy to solve yourself. Trust me on this.

The Bully Woman Chronicles

Bully, as a noun: “A blustering, browbeating person, especially one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”

You know who you are. You knew deep down that what you did through the years was wrong, but you did it anyway.  You enjoyed it. You took power and control and that’s the way you liked it.  To everyone else you put on a good show, but whenever I looked into your eyes I was looking into your wicked soul. To your real family and friends you were generous, loving and kind, but your wickedness did not delude your husband’s biological family, we knew better.

Bully, as a transitive verb: “To affect by means of force or coercion. Act aggressively towards.”

You saw a shattered, vulnerable family, saw an opportunity for control and authority and took it. You isolated and drove a wedge between two brothers. You caused a lifetime of estrangement within his entire family. We were his only brother, his daughters, his grand-daughters and his great-grandsons.

Bully, as an intransitive verb: “To use browbeating language or behavior on.”

Your conniving and taunting, your constant put downs gave you the ultimate high. Doing the right thing was never an option, it was always about you. You denied a dying man his last wishes because you felt threatened and outnumbered with all of us there. Only you mattered. Only your family was important. We were just pawns for your mockery and bullying, pieces of trash left out for garbage. Games of sister against sister, daughter against father were played and for what? Your husband treated your sons like his real family, yet you could not and would not reciprocate with yourbeloved husband’s children.

Synonyms: intimidate, browbeat, heckle, ride roughshod over, push around.

I am sure that you feel that you are above reproach, but you are not. Do you feel good that the man you claimed to love led a life full of hidden secrets and regret? Are you proud that you broke the strongest bonds in life: bonds of blood and love and family? Your sense of entitlement justified your actions, but at what cost?  It wasn’t one life that was affected, but many others.

Yes, you know who you are. Even now it doesn’t matter since in the end you got what you wanted. But I still had the last word and that is something that you can never take away from me. I held you accountable for the terrible things you did and said and finally, no matter how much you tried, you could not shut me up.  I knew then what you were and I knew through the years, but I never gave up and in the end I was still there. There was nothing you could say or do to stop me.

Bullying Isn’t Just For The Young

Here is a personal story from Wolf Starchild. You can learn more about him on his website at http://www.wolfmaan.com. He shares a story of adult bullying and makes it clear that, just because childhood ends, bullying does not. ~Alan Eisenberg

---

They say that rumors spread through town in the time it takes for the truth to our on its jacket.

In today’s society the damaged will often prey on the strong, confident and successful in an effort to level the playing field. Add illicit narcotics into the mix and you have bullies who can become so egotistical they will believe their own lies.

Often thought of as something that only effects youth, bullying has become something that can happen to anyone at any time.

In recent times there have been reports of people being bullied so bad, they have taken their own lives to escape from the constant torment.

Like anyone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and is always open and honest, I have been the victim of strung-out, self-righteous bullies.

My bullying came in the form a junkie who decided that I was a serious threat to him and his way of life. It’s important never to try to understand the “why” of bullying. Normally bullies are very egotistical and lacking in mental stability. It’s their craving of power over others that drives them to do what they do.

The only way this person could cope with my status as an active member of my community, involved in the development of nature connection was to do their best to circulate a series of rumors that are both unverifiable and juicy.

It’s part of the human condition that we love gossip. We love hearing the “dirt” on others. The more outrageous the claims are, the more interesting it is. If you have difficulty believing this, watch any political debate before elections. They call it “mud-slinging”

Adult bullies are a whole different breed of bully than children. They don’t go round posting lies on social media sites, or make direct threats. Even pot-heads are aware these actions have consequences.

Instead, they go behind people’s backs and are sneaky. They circulate gentle rumors that are a mix of slightly believable, unverifiable And damaging to character all at the same time.

For example one individual who is a well-known drug user in the community one used their limited knowledge of me to create an intriguing, shocking, and unverifiable rumor that they still attempt to perpetuate to this day. Over a decade later. The rumor was that I cornered them in a public gathering and threatened them with a firearm.

The rumor was shocking, and unverifiable (there was no one else around at the time – of course) but was made easy to believe because I am the ex-military type and have always been pro-gun, and pro-freedom.

This rumor has plagued me for quite some time, and there is no real way to dispel it. The bully did a great job. The rumor has cost me many friendships and has made a great attempt to marginalize me as an individual.

Another more humorous rumor is that I was once the head of a cult somewhere in the United States and that some people had to break into the compound (all Navy Seal like) and extricate them from my grasp.

This rumor was spread when I was actively perusing a career as a travel writer and my work was published in magazines.

See the connection? I was actually off traveling and no one knew where I was, so it was easy to make up some amazing story to circulate.

Bullies are cowards. Never forget that. They will always use their best cloak and dagger routine to ensure that they do not get found out. This includes using fake names when they meet people.

Recently – after over a decade of cowardice idiocy, an acquaintance of mine received a phone call from someone who they refused to identify. They said this person informed them of all cult-leading and gun-toting things that I had supposedly done. Plus a few new rumors that I had not heard before.This placed doubt in my acquaintances mind. After a decade of silence, these bullies were at it again.

This acquaintance even reported the effects of these bullies on their business as a result of having a friendship with me. This got to the point where this acquaintance was bullied into no longer associating with me because of the lies and rumors being spread. This activity allowed the bullies to get a rush of power because through spreading lies they can manage to control others in such a gentle way that they can make someone feel its their decision for not associating with me.

The sad part about the constant rumors is that people hear what they wish to hear, and would much rather believe the lies. Even to the point of violence.

Social media provides creeper-bullies great opportunity to embellish stories based on things they can learn about you.

A truly self-righteous and demented bully will literally follow you around in an attempt to spread lies and rumors to damage your character. Even though most bullies are unintelligent, and egotistical, they are knowledgeable enough to know they can be in real legal trouble these days for their actions. This leads them to be extra sneaky when they spread their lies and push you around.

Sadly there is never much resolve for the victims of these deeply disturbed individuals. Unless there is solid proof of how they have tormented you, there is little legal recourse.

These adult, sick, strung-out, drug crazed individuals will often perpetuate a lie to the point they believe their own lies! They can often become so passionate about destroying someone they will stop at nothing until thy have marginalized, and alienated their victim. Sometimes to the point of suicide.

The only way to stop being victimized by bullies is to ignore them. Although a deeply disturbed individual will not be thwarted by being ignored. Attempting to defend yourself will often play into their already demented minds and make your situation significantly worse. Confronting the bully can sometimes escalate into physical violence or even more rumors being spread.

Truly the only safe way to take the power from bullies who start rumors and intimidate others is to ignore the rumors and not repeat them. This completely disarms a bully. By not perpetuating rumors and lies, you may even save someone’s career and maybe their life.

If you wish to help dispel the myths about you, and help your community – start volunteering. People will get to know the real you, and learn who you are. You will also be helping your community at the same tome as diffusing your tormentors. There is nothing more shattering to a bully than telling lies and spreading rumors about you then hearing: “oh I know him, that’s not true.”

~Wolf Starchild

Pushed Too Far (A Personal Story)

When I first read this story, I was worried there would be no happy ending here. Abby’s story is very serious and shows just how close someone can come to losing the most precious gift we have…life. ~Alan Eisenberg

---

Hi my name is Abby.

This is my story.

I was a perfect, happy, giggly, funny kid. It started in Elementary School. 1st grade I had a best friend. We did everything together. She was sweet, popular, kind, and just awesome. I loved being her friend. Since se was popular, I was too.

After that, I noticed I was getting heavier and she was thin, She started ignoring me in 2nd grade, One day I confronted her about it and she pulled me over and said,” Listen, I don’t wanna be friends with you anymore. You’re ugly, fat, worthless and you don’t matter so go away loser. I never liked you and never will!!” That hurt me. I came to school the next day and I confronted her about it but instead she didn’t respond a few popular boys pushed me to the floor an said,” listen she doesn’t like you so go get out of her and our lives. you’re a mistake. just go away just notice nobody likes you!” I got up and cried. I hid in the bathroom all day.

When I got home, I picked up a razor and started cutting my wrist. I swore I would never do that again. I kept putting up with the bullies until 3rd grade. I started cutting again and it became addictive. I attempted suicide 3 times that year. I tried choking myself, drowning myself and overdosing. I couldn’t take it. I slit my wrist more and more. I almost hit a vain.

4th grade, I was starving myself because I was called fat. I Was diagnosed with Anorexia and weighed 45 lbs in 4th grade. I almost died. Kids told me to choke myself. Finally I didn’t let it get to me. I got my metabolism up again. 5th grade, Kids called me a mistake, worthless, fat, dumb, annpying, and I cut again and again.

On the last day of school, I was shoved into a trash can.

I attempted suicide more and more.

6th Grade, I was going into middle school, It was a new year, new friends, new lives. I ignored all the bad past. I made new friends. they were popular. I was in their group and felt happy. Little did I know they were using me a joke. They back stabbed me and started hate groups, I got a swirly in the bathroom stall as well. They had a hate wall dedicated to me in the bathroom stall, I was told to kill myself because I’m unloved and unwanted, I had no friends, nobody, Nobody to lean on, nobody to be by.

I had to fend for myself. I got poor grades, poor sleep, poor appetite, I refused to go to school.

7th grade, It got worse. I cried myself to sleep every night, trying to kill myself, having my parents walk in on me trying to kill myself. I cried so much. I had to switch schools. I got beat up, let down, stepped on, backstabbed, choked up, knocked out, pushed around, I just wanted to end it.

8th grade, I switched schools. There was a rumor going around saying something stupid so I got yelled at and it started again. I cut. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, bulimia, panic disorder, etc. I cut so much and attempted for the last time I overdosed on 30 Advil & passed out. I woke up in a psych ward. I am getting therapy and help now. I still cut but not as much but my story shows how messed up the society is. Now I have friends, I inspire others and I wake up with a smile on my face knowing I am loved and still alive on this planet and I will not end my life over anybody. I am glad they did it to me because it made me who I am today. Just because I had a negative past, I am not gonna have a negative future.

~Abby

Hard to Leave It Behind Me (A Personal Story)

Melanie shared her story here before back in June of last year call Their Taunts and Insults. It was a powerful story and as we all do, we hope when we share our story we can let it go. But for many, it’s just not that easy. Now Melanie has shared her feelings again with us and is asking for some help. Please share your thoughts with her as she looks to the community for support. ~Alan Eisenberg

---

I do not know what to do. I thought after I told my story, that I can leave it all behind me. But I was wrong.

Memories haunt me in my dreams. I can think back on so many things.

Like the saying, “If you’d lived to Hitlers times, he would have gassed you with joy!”

And the terrible insults. “Witch, monster, freak, bitch, human being without friends, emo, ghost, ugly, fat …”. The rape threats. The one time where I was beaten. When they gave me the blame for everything.

The consequences of the years of bullying are serious.

Depression. Fear of humans. Suicidal thoughts. Suicide attempts. And so much more.

Twelve years. So many years have passed. And instead of that something has improved, it got worse.

I work for a year as volunteer assistant in a hospital (We call it Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr.).

I do help out in the mother + child Station. It’s fun to take care of the mothers and babies. To grant them any wish they have. If only that bullying would not be.

I do not know what I did wrong.

Every day I have a good mood. Every day I smile, I grin … Always be polite. I do whatever I’m told. I want to do everything right. Question, if I do not understand something.

I do my daily routine. Cleaned baby changing tables. Put clothes together. Distribute water and glasses. But every day I’ll be scolded. I clean the room not right when a Mom goes home. I order too much breakfast. If I do not know where something is stored, it is said again and again that I should know, after two months, where it should be. But if no one shows me where things are, I can not know that.

When I once asked if I could see a birth, came the answer that I would be immature. That it will be a treat. IF I work well. Also I was told that I am dependent. When I asked for examples, they said they had none.

They bully my personality,too. I have the level of a cat. I would like to get an education as a bilingual secretary. Or as a translator. To which came the reply that the level was too high for me. They also call me childish. Because I was running with a Santa hat through the Station. But I must say that the mothers liked it. They smiled and laughed and had so much fun. My colleagues say that it’s fun to see me suffer.

I have already complained. Attempts were made to clarify the conflict, but that never happened. I was described as the worst employee. In the end I have to say I was ashamed. And it got worse. The bullying.

Every day I go to work with stomach ache. Inwardly, I cry. Outwardly, I smile. But it takes a lot of strength. And right now, I fall apart. I have nothing to live for. Sometimes I wonder “Why are you still here?”. But then I think to myself, I am nothing. No one sees me. No one hears me. No one would notice if I was not there anymore. But I can not. I do not know what keeps me. But it’s there.

Sometimes I wonder, “Why do not run away? Relocate to another country? Begin a new life? And forget everything what happened?”

Nobody knows how much I suffer. And I need help.

I start a psychotherapy. But my fear is great that it does not help me.

Thanks for listening.

~Melanie