Giving New Meaning to the Word Beautiful

Laura sent me her story and is also trying to raise funds to share her new book on bullying. Many times I think the same thing. There are so many great stories yet to be told that can help so many. I hope Laura has the opportunity to share the rest of hers as she shares a story here with you. ~Alan Eisenberg

When I was a young girl the other kids made fun of me because I wore large hearing aids and had a large under bit. They called me names Flat Face, Stupid and Ugly Girl on a daily basic. This caused me to shy away from other kids.

In my teen years my body grew faster than the other girls making me once again the target of harassment. I was an over achiever in art which created jealousy which turned into bullying. This one boy spit on me as I was siting in my class getting ready for History. He would say sexual things to me and tell me how ugly I was. He burned my hand by slamming a very hot cheese pizza face down on my hand burning it. He once opened my car door and started punching me and scratched me over and over again, just because I ignored him. He talk about my body and how odd-looking it was.

I would go home and cry in my room never saying a word to mom and dad. I was ashamed and confused. My 17 years old mind could not understand what was taking place, Also a virgin at the time I was confused by the sexual remarks.

When I was in college I would replay events in my mind, it was like watching a movie, only it was the same movie over and over again. No matter how hard I tried I was unable to stop thinking about the events that took place. Do to the years of being told I was ugly, I believed it which made it hard to interact with boys and made me become extreme shy.

In 2005 I sign up for MySpace and that same boy from high school found me. He wrote me an email to say how sorry he was for treating the way he did. I excepted his apology and thought it might bring me closers. However he started to bullied me online and making fun of things I wrote or photos I had posted. He would writing me emails telling me how stupid I was. At this time I was 23, He started to contact old high school friends and telling them I was talking about them in a negative light, this of course never happened. He also hosted a party just to make fun of me and later posting images online from his event. I started getting hate e-mail from people I did not know. He started a full-blown hate campaign for me. Leaving me helpless.

The only good thing to happen was I heard from some old friend who did not understand why someone would say such hurtful things about me. This back fired on him because I was able to reconnect with old friend who knew the real me.However still during this time after college I fell into a full blow depression and having low self confident. I never lifted the house and it made it almost impossible to find work. This went on for two years.

I went on to have bully bosses and had to leave my last job because of it. Four other of my friends had to leave for the same reason. Unfortunately there is nothing in the law that says they can’t bully us. People need to understand that bullies grow up into bully bosses.

Just in 2011 I had to start going through therapy to work though all the harassment that had taken place over the years. I was suffering from flashbacks, sleep disorder, depression, anxiety, fear, sham, guilt, and trauma. I had to go through EMDR therapy to process these memories, reducing their lingering effects. This type of therapy has stop the events playing over and over again in my mind. Just this year I started going to yoga as another form of therapy.

These bullies had affected my self-confident, personal relationships and self-worth. Just this year I have sign up for Facebook. I know I will be dealing with the effect of these bullies the rest of my life. I hope now to share my story and my art in hope of spreading awareness and making a change. No little girl or boy should believe they are something there not, but as I stated before If something is repeated said to you we all start to believe it.

My Book Giving New Meaning To The Word Beautiful is inspired by my abuse and fighting back saying everyone beautiful regardless of you age, sex, race, size or disability. Don’t let anyone make you feel you are less than BEAUTIFUL.

My book will be self published and sold as an ebook.

book online and digital copy will be available.

Please click the link below to view my page. This book will not happen with out you support.

Thank You! and Best Laura Jones

Music Lyrics #15 – Jeremy (Pearl Jam)

In the very early 1990′s, the Grunge movement of music started. Most people saw it as the new hard rock. But the lyrics in the Grunge music, no matter how hard the beats were, always spoke to the truth of the youth at the time. When I first heard Jeremy, by Pearl Jam, on their first major album called 10, I knew it was about bullying and the awful results of what can happen. Listen between the hard rock beat and you’ll hear the pain of the lyrics. Now you can look up and read the true story that the song was written for. It is about a boy who walked into his school and killed himself in front of his bullies. Very powerful story, very powerful lyrics. We should all pay attention to this ongoing issue, even 23 years after the song came out. We have yet to solve the issue.

At home
Drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
Dead lay in pools of maroon below

Daddy didn’t give attention
To the fact that mommy didn’t care
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Clearly I remember
Pickin’ on the boy
Seemed a harmless little f&@k
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the recess lady’s breast

How could I forget
He hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurting
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day I heard

Daddy didn’t give affection
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn’t wear
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Try to forget this…
Try to erase this…
From the blackboard.

So Very Deeply

A few things happened to me lately that I thought I would share here. The first was an interesting conversation with a female friend of mine who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. After talking to her openly about what I went through and have been going through, she asked me if I ever felt like I was a woman trapped in a man’s body.

I was taken aback, I must tell you. I definitely never felt that way and love women. I love to be around women, because, honestly, I find their conversations and honesty much more riveting than most of the men I know. I have always been more comfortable talking to women about emotions and feelings, then sitting around with the men talking about sports and the weather. It’s just the way that I was built. Maybe that had something to do with why I was bullied as a youth.

To feel so very deeplyThen, soon after that conversation, I saw this graphic that I have attached here posted on Facebook. It’s words are so simple, but explain so much to me.

“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.”

That was it! Those were the words that I was pondering and that have haunted me all these years. Why do I feel everything so deeply and why can others just push it off like it doesn’t matter? Why do I care what others think and feel? Why am I emotional about things that others don’t seem to care about? Why do I wear my heart on my sleeve, want to talk about feelings and honesty when others just want to hide these things?

Because this is just who I am and how I am built. Is that more girlish? Are there other men that feel like they are still men, but want to share their emotions?

Don’t get me wrong, I can fix things and grill like no one’s business. But I am most fascinated and most touched by the emotions that others feel and I want to share that with them. Maybe that’s why the bullying hurt so much and why, in more recent days, I have dealt with the Anxiety and Depression that comes with someone who might feel more than others. Is it a right brain and left brain issue? I don’t know. I just know that I don’t believe that I am alone as a man. When I grew up men went to work and women mostly stayed home. They were the emotional ones, the caretakers. But now, I see things differently. I think we are slowly allowing men to bring their emotions to the table.

But now let’s think about children. Kids in their informative years. What if a boy is emotional and different? What’s the chance he will be the victim of a bully that get’s excited by making people emotional? Can’t we spot these children and help them before this happens? Don’t we know who these kids are? I think certainly a parent does.

But for me, it’s been a 46 year journey to my current reality. This reality is one where the above words have the power to help heal me and I know now heal others. No one is alone. I know we say it can get better and we can forgive, but it is much harder to forget. I have forgiven my past. I am learning to further let go of it. But it will always be a part of who I am. Like The Crumpled Piece Of Paper story I shared here, it cannot be undone, only healed.

Today I feel healed, but it has been hard work. I learn to live with myself, to love myself, and to know that I am a good soul due to these deep feelings that I have. It’s been an interesting ride so far, and I think I am starting for the first time to find a way to enjoy the journey. Whatever it may bring.

Dare To Fight Back Against Bullies!

Rebecca Gray asked to write a guest post for my site and I am honored to have her share her wisdom and thoughts here. There are many different ways to handle bullies and Rebecca offers her insights here. ~Alan Eisenberg

Bullies are getting a lot of press nowadays, but it’s difficult to tell whether bullying behavior is on the rise, or we’re just noticing and talking about it more than we did in the past. In our obsessively politically correct environment, there is an ever-increasing push to avoid confronting or even defending one’s self against a bully, and to opt instead for a more positive developmental response to aggressive behavior. We are also being told that the best way to deal with bullying is to ensure that our children don’t bully others in the first place. Our children’s schools often take a zero-tolerance approach to any physical confrontation, punishing both the victim for defending him or herself and the instigator for initiating the behavior. This is patently unfair to the victim, and does little if anything to stem the aggressive behavior other than forcing the bully to practice his or her aggression somewhere out of the school’s sight and/or jurisdiction.

While eliminating the violence in the first place is admittedly the ideal solution, we have to realistically acknowledge that it is not the whole solution. Sometimes, you simply have to fight back if you hope to get the bullies to leave you alone. Fortunately, by helping our children to understand what drives the bully, we can better prepare them to deal with it in the most effective manner. In short, fighting back needn’t always involve physical violence. By understanding and responding directly to the underlying causes of bullying, the bullied child can emerge from the situation with an increased level of self-confidence, which is kryptonite to the bully’s attempt to be Superman (or Superwoman). A few things to keep in mind are:

Bullies are afraid

Bullying is probably a remnant of every animal’s instinctive drive to be dominant in its environment. Beyond the mature animal’s need to establish dominance so as to attract the most desirable mate, that dominance also serves to increase the animal’s physical safety, by allaying potential threats and challenges before they resort to physical confrontations. In both senses, people are no different than other animals. We just have the intellect required to either change or rationalize the behaviors.

You need to choose your best response

The challenge a person faces when confronted by a bully is two-fold. First, the victim has to determine whether it is safe to respond in kind. Faced with an opponent who is significantly larger and stronger, or with multiple aggressors, it is usually wise to avoid physical violence if at all possible. Secondly, the victim has to have the self-confidence to ensure that he or she looks like neither a victim nor a threat to the bully. Here are some possible ways you can advise your child to respond.

Make the bully your ally – Responding to a bully as if he or she is merely engaging in good-natured kidding is ideal, as it shows that his intended victim is neither afraid nor desirous of usurping the bully’s position as the alpha or dominant member of the exchange. This can serve to redirect the aggressor’s behavior, and can even be the foundation for a great friendship. It also serves to minimize or even eliminate the intervention of authority figures such as school principals and police, both of whom are indoctrinated to respond harshly to any confrontation.

Remove yourself from the situation – The common wisdom among virtually all martial arts schools is that the best response to an attack is to walk away from it. The downside to such a response is that it feeds the bully’s desire to intimidate. But what you should keep in mind is that avoiding a fight is an expression of good common sense, not an act of cowardice.

Just don’t take the bully seriously – A bully’s aggression is based in his or her desire to intimidate. If forging a friendly relationship isn’t feasible, you may be able to dissuade him or her by simply not accepting the role of victim. It can be difficult to project confidence when you are genuinely frightened, by not playing the part he or she wants you to play, you might be able to redirect the exchange to a less threatening tone. At the very least, you will be denying the bully the fear that is so essential to his being satisfied.

Fight fire with fire – If you simply cannot redirect or remove yourself from the situation, you may actually have to show the bully that you will not tolerate his or her attempts to dominate you, even if doing so means resorting to the bully’s level of communication. You don’t want to inflict harm on anyone, of course, but if you feel that there is an imminent threat of violence being directed at you, you may have no choice other than to respond in kind. On the one hand, this can be physically very dangerous to you, especially if your aggressor is larger and stronger, or is backed up by similarly aggressive friends. On the other hand, many bullies whose aggression is responded to in kind will realize that they aren’t getting their needs met, and will move on to other targets or – ideally – reconsider their choice of behaviour.

No matter which response you choose, it is important that you talk with someone you trust about what you’ve gone through. If the confrontation occurs at school or off grounds with one of your fellow students, you can talk with a trusted teacher or counsellor. By doing so, you afford yourself the opportunity to process the emotional upheaval that such a confrontation always elicits, as well as help you deal more comfortably with future confrontations. Reporting the confrontation to a person in authority can also reduce the likelihood of the bully escalating his aggressive behaviour toward you or others. You’ll be doing your fellow students – including the bully – a favour, by helping others to avoid facing the same kind of confrontation.

~Rebecca Gray

Author Byline:

This guest post is contributed by Rebecca Gray, who writes about criminal background check for She welcomes your comments at her email id:

The Alpha Bully (A Personal Story)

I don’t know why anyone would believe their bullying story is met with disbelief and skepticism as this writer shared. I have read so many stories from so many that are both shocking and unbelievable to me. What I felt happened to me is nothing compared to what many others went through. What we all have to remember is that we are all in this small blue planet together and that, no matter what happened to us in our past, we have a choice to move forward or stay living in the past. I know, because for over 30 years, I lived in the past. Is it easy to move forward…NO. But we can and we should learn to forgive, but not forget. By sharing the stories, we don’t forget, but we can forgive. It is not an easy thing to do and I needed help to get to the point of forgiveness. But mostly now I forgive myself. I hope we all can and grow from these lessons. ~Alan Eisenberg

My story is typically met by disbelief and skepticism, which does make it hard to share. However, because countless numbers were impacted I share it anyway.

When I was in middle school I had between 60 – 80 bullies, and at one point I stood up to 24, which had me encircled.

The bullies in my school were united, brought together by the “alpha” bully, and subsequently ranked in a hierarchy. At the bottom were the rank and file, which made up the majority of them. They were the expendable cannon fodder. A step up was the elite, 24 of the cream of the crop.

The hierarchy was an extremely methodical and efficient instrument because of its ability to terrorize on an industrial scale. It was virtually an enterprise with quotas, a chain of command, and administrative duties carried out by the 24, who partitioned the school into “territories” and issued orders to their subordinates and reported to the alpha.

And it was the alpha, who alone reported to his superior, a kid named Sean, who was a self-proclaimed visionary. He believed he was a god. And his vision of building a better school had already captivated the entire school and the community, who celebrated him with euphoric cheers and applause.

“Together,” he would often said, “we can build a better school.” But it was he that had created the hierarchy.

At eleven, he successfully ended bullying in an entire school. With a snap of his fingers it stopped. He was hailed a hero… of course, unbeknownst to them, he could always resume it at any time he wished. And like a wheel turning, the more he brought it back the more he was revered; the more others suffered, the more he was elevated.

He wanted to stand on top of the world and be worshiped. He had initially used the popular clique to begin his rise to prominence, exploiting their desperation to find an answer to bullying, but once he had surpassed them in love and adoration, he destroyed them. They were pawns who had simply outlived their usefulness.

His vision stirred resistance among hundreds of students, however, who saw right him, but he suppressed any opposition ruthlessly, including his old friend, the leader of the popular clique, who received a visit from the entire hierarchy for six weeks until he succumbed to insomnia and paranoia.

In the meanwhile, I had managed to turn one of the 24 against him, a certain bully who actually despised taking orders. He soon divided the hierarchy and its loyalties, and all out war abruptly followed, as bully turned on bully.

But because of my “inexcusable interference,” as Sean put it, a close friend of mine was consequently targeted too and sent to the emergency room. There would be no negotiating with his vision.

This incident however sparked a tidal wave of insurrection, and I watched in disbelief as students cornered the rank and file and forced them to swear never to bully again. It was awe-inspiring. And though the elite escaped it was clear there was hope.

Eventually, the 24 came after me in revenge, but I outwitted them and they turned on one another. And then, all that remained was the alpha, who was subsequently quarantined by the student body and made to watch as the school was rebuilt with smiles and happiness. I think it was torture for him to see so much positivity.

As for Sean, he was confronted by the bully who divided the hierarchy. The fight was brief though, because the teachers arrived just in time to save the miracle worker.

Ultimately, the school was rebuilt, replacing dark clouds with light. And yet, Sean’s vision was given full credit for it despite the fact that it was by student’s who had resisted him. Moreover, because his vision was credited, it therefore ignited a movement that grew and expanded, branching out in many directions, and was strengthened significantly by his martyrdom… and yet, this sentiment may be rather unjust, because as it turned out, ironically, the bully who fought him wanted nothing more than to be free.

For three years, Sean’s vision ruled absolute, rallying thousands upon thousands behind it. There was “Build a Better School Day” assemblies and community events, parades, and anything to put him in the spotlight. He waved and smiled for the consumption of his public. “Together,” he said excitedly, “We can!”

And despite all he did, his vision still lived and breathed. And when our graduating class stood up and held hands years later, proud of our accomplishment, it was instead marveled as the greatest masterpiece of a true visionary.


A Question of Why (A Personal Story)

It takes a special person to share their personal stories online. We have come to expect that social media is the new norm and through these posts, we can spread the message that we are not alone. But we still always feel alone and that is just part of our human nature. As I read Callie’s story, I continually ask myself “why”? Why do people treat each other this way? How can we stop it and become the empathetic society we should be? Right now, I have yet to get the answers needed. ~Alan Eisenberg

I’m considered very intelligent and when I was in 7th grade did a girl named Caitlin start bullying me. I was never given a reason why except that I was always smiling. Daily she would threaten me that she would start a fight with me. I was kinda scared at that fact since not long ago did she beat up a girl named Sierra who was in really bad shape after. Caitlin even got the whole school against me, except the teachers. I would be shoved into the wall and tripped. My only friend was Kiera and since each grade is separated into two groups. Kiera and I were separated. My family didn’t know any of this and it continued the rest of that school year.

Funny how then when I’m in 8th grade does the teachers ask if I had a problem with bullying. Me I like to keep my problems to myself and it did stop in 8th grade. Though Caitlin was still treating me terrible.

9th grade I learned she was put on house arrest and I never saw her in school. Then a girl named Ally started to bully me and it was always in Choir and my teacher never did anything. First Ally put 4 or more packets of grape jelly in the hood of my jacket and so when I put my hood up there would be jelly all in my hair. I knew it was Ally since she sat behind me in Choir and everyone saw her do it but nobody told me about it till the next year.

Also in 9th grade Ally poured a whole bottle of water in my seat on several occasions and would hide and mess with my stuff so I would miss the bus to get home. Then Ally told her friend Tamera to spit in my bottle of water. I wasn’t told that till I was in my 10th grade year. A friend had seen Tamera spit in my water and laughed when I drank from it. That friend confronted Tamera and asked why she would do that. She answered because it was funny.

It took that entire year for the principal did anything even though I reported it to him since the beginning of school. The entire class knew I was bullied and they did nothing to stop it, not even my friend did or told me anything.

I told my family about the bullying that Ally did and all my brother does is tease me that Ally is my best friend when he knows that all she is, is a living nightmare. He even went as far to say he would hook us up and I’m a female. Lately I’ve had to deal with a past sexual abuse by a cousin of mine. So that just made the situation all the worse and my parents didn’t really pay any mind to it. I actually cried myself to sleep that night which I’ve done before and called my friend Darrell who knows everything about me and he told me that he would tell my brother off for it. I at least have one true friend that will remain at my side.


Today’s Bullying Message

Do you still struggle to believe that adults struggle to deal with the bullying that happened to them when they were younger? This video from Amir might help clear that up for you in three minutes. I find it very emotionally powerful.