For years I was in denial. I started this website 6 years ago. I did it thinking I was mainly “over it” and moving on, yet I was always talking about the long-term effects that the years of bullying had on us.
I thought I was feeling stronger. I thought I was taking two steps forward and then once in a while one step back. I was volunteering. I was helping others. I was speaking. I was doing everying…everything but focusing on myself. On making myself better.
It’s what I’ve always done.
It’s easy to hide behind staying busy. Not facing the demons. Hiding further inside. I was getting good at it. I know I’ve written about it. It started with a Panic Attack when I was at the end of college.
No! Rewind that. I have always had stomach problems. I have always had to eat bland foods. Otherwise, I pay the price (yes, but I won’t go there). At sixteen my mom took me to a GI doctor and I had an upper GI. He said I had a pre-ulcerous condition. I didn’t think much of it really. I enjoyed High School. I enjoyed College. I got married. I went for my job interviews. I noticed that I had some Panic Attacks. Not too often. I do worry a lot, but didn’t think that was special.
Then worry became Anxiety. Mostly about my family and kids. Will my wife leave me? Will my kids be OK if I let them…(fill in the blank)? If I drive long distances, will I have a stomach issue? Will my kids? What does this have to do with bullying?
Sometimes you discover new things about yourself. First it was little.
I started to not like to ride the train system.
I felt trapped. They had no bathrooms.
Then the bus system. Never really needed to take that anyway.
Then airplanes. They are confined and hard to escape.
Then the theater. If I didn’t sit in an aisle, I’d have a stomach ache and panic/anxiety. Then even in the aisle, when the lights went down I felt like running out.
Then the barber. When they strapped me in the seat, I felt trapped. Would feel anxiety/panic.
I worry all the time. I have a short temper, always worried about the kids and family.
All this time, I was a good actor. I didn’t show it or if I did, I masked it. It was pretty hard, but it wasn’t all the time and my stomach was OK. Then, last year, my stomach started hurting all the time. I went back to the GI doctor and had every test they could think of. Ends up I have a hietal hernia and diverticulitis. Basically bad heartburn. Should be able to be handled.
But I am a worrier. I have anxiety. I started to worry all the time, which lead to a constant stomach ache, which lead to more worry, which lead to anxiety and panic, which lead to me never wanting to leave the house. My stomach made my head worry and my head worrying lead to my stomach hurting. It was cyclical, a catch 22, a Pavlovian non-stop issue. I lost 20 pounds…and I wasn’t even trying. I just didn’t want to eat. I was afraid of how I would feel.
I get invited to speak in Lexington and I can’t go, because I am so sick. It was time for me to help myself. I consider myself lucky. I am also obsessed enough to do my research, find support systems needed, and for me, medicine to stop the pain and cycle of problem. Right now I feel better. Next week, maybe, maybe not. Every day is a new day.
I didn’t see this coming. I didn’t want to face it. But the best way to stop it is to face it full on. And now that is what I am doing. I feel like the “physician heal thyself”, but that’s the way it is. It’s time to break the cycle.
A few weeks ago I met with someone who feels their life was ruined by the years of bullying they suffered when they were younger. Now I wonder if I’m not part of that either. Have I never really dealt with the PTSD I suffered back then, even though life has been good and mostly successful? I admit it’s been a very tough year and maybe a mid-life crisis for me as well. My dad has been battling cancer all year, my son is struggling in his first year of college, and my other son is more like me than I ever want to see him be.
I want to be strong for my wife. I am a man after all. I should be strong, right? Well, this is the truth. This is why I created this website. This is the adult perspective. No one ever helped me when I was young. No one ever taught me how to deal with Anxiety and Worry and Panic. I hid it and then pretended it went away. It’s not all bad, sometimes you need to worry. But if someone noticed when I was young and taught me some of the coping mechanisms I am learning now, maybe I wouldn’t be here.
Don’t ignore it, face it. Don’t hide in your place and not go out and face the part you don’t want to face. Don’t let those things that took you down before take you down now. It’s so easy to say, but now I have to DO. I felt embarrassed I felt alone. I found out through reading, sharing, and support that I am not. In fact many of us feel these ways. Many of us do nothing about it and then for many of us, they hide in their place. Never to be seen or experience life.
I don’t want to do that. I won’t do that. I will rise above this. I can and I know that the help of sharing with others can make the difference. I hope you understand why I shared this. Don’t ignore anyone that says they are suffering with worry, anxiety, or panic. Don’t think it’s easy and don’t think it’s easy to solve yourself. Trust me on this.
Author Cat Blount has released a book for elementary school age children titled “What If I Was Bigger Than a Bully: Storyteller Edition”. This book talks to both those who deal with being bullied as well as the bullies, parents, bystanders, and school officials.
The title references a question the boy in the book asks himself and shows him in his mind what possibilities this brings. He discovers something important during his exploration that changes his circumstances. The new version goes more into what the
bullied (the young boy, Jed) is thinking. It also has a new character who is there to listen to and help Jed. You can learn more about the book by clicking here.
Below is a video trailer about the book as well.
Before I introduce you to http://MakeItBetterRightNow.net (or MIBRN as we like to call ourselves) and some of its members, I would like to thank 
Alan for all he does in bringing attention to this epidemic around the world called “bullying”. He, like me, believes that by telling our stories; by discussing our issues openly without the fear of being bullied yet again, that we can begin the healing process. Again, Alan, on behalf of the MIBRN community, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Kevin Carey-Infante
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kevin Carey-Infante. I am an author, blogger, teen advocate and creator/administrator of a newly created alternative social media website for teens called http://MakeItBetterRightNow.net. MIBRN is a website created by teens for teens. It’s a safe and secure place for teens to come to get support, as well as learn about issues that matter to them. It’s also a place where teens can come to talk with each other and tell their stories in real-time, without being judged, ridiculed or bullied. MIBRN uses various methods of communication, including messaging, email, open forums, bulletin boards, and a “chat” feature that allows teens from around the world to communicate with each other in real-time. In less than a year, MIBRN has grown into a social media website for all teens – black, white, yellow, red, gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, the victims of bullying and abuse, and, yes, even the bullies themselves. As long as everyone shows respect for each other and their diverse points of view, everyone is welcome at MIBRN.
MIBRN was born out of the many tragic deaths from teen bullycide (teens who commit suicide because they felt that they could no longer deal with the relentless bullying they were being forced to live with.) Tyler Clementi, Cassidy Joy Andel and Justin Aaberg are just a handful of those souls. One of the features on the MIBRN site is the Honor Roll of Victims of Bullycide. We regularly add a teen who has taken his or her life and tell their story in the hope that we can learn from them and not repeat their actions. MIBRN is committed to ending bullycide in our time.
The MIBRN community also invites those adults who have been there to tell their stories. There is nothing more inspiring to a teen than to hear from those who have been in their shoes and made it to live another day – to hear how they made it better in their lives.
When I told the members of the MIBRN community that Alan had invited me to write a guest blog about MIBRN they asked if they could submit comments for you to read. “This is our site, after all,” Danny told me. I was, of course, more than thrilled that they were eager to participate. Over the past couple of weeks, I have received many comments. Here are but a handful. I present each MIBRN community member by their “Username“. This way, if you would like, when you visit MIBRN, you can reach out to these very special individuals, say hi, and start a conversation.
MigueldeCuba: Hi! My name is Mike. I’m 15-years old and I live in New Jersey. I found MIBRN one day this summer when I was fooling around on my iPad looking for people like me. I get bullied all the time because I don’t fit in. My mom is Cuban and my dad is Irish. Kids call me a zebra and I hate it. The other thing about me is that I am short, so kids think I’m weak. I’m not. I’m pretty strong and I play soccer, and I’m pretty good. I was super lucky to find MIBRN. I have made lots of new friends and Mr. Kevin has helped me a lot. Now I am paying it forward. I met a girl from Canada on the MIBRN chat line. She was really scared in the beginning. I talk to her a lot and now she’s my friend. She’s doing better. My dream is to help Mr. Kevin to make it better for all kids. Mr. Kevin has taught me to want to make a difference. I hope to talk to you soon. Thank you for this time to talk to you. Mike
cookme25: Hi everyone. My name is Hannah. I’m 16-years old and I live in Kentucky. About 2 months ago I wrote this on my MIBRN profile and I really do believe it:
Everything happens for a reason. You may not see it right away but you will. It may be years from now but it will happen. You’ll look back and you’ll see that if that one thing hadn’t happened then everything would have turned out different. You might not have met a person you love or you might not have become the person you are. So just remember, even if it seems like the end of the world, be patient. Everything happens for a reason.
MIBRN is a great place for teens to come together and know they aren’t alone. We all have similar experiences or maybe you find someone who understands what it’s like to be you. It shows you aren’t alone. Hope to meet you soon. Hannah
Sander1998: Hi. My name is Sander. I’m 14-years old and I live in the Netherlands. I found MIBRN when I was doing research on bullycide. This is the best site I found honoring kids who committed bullycide. I really like this site and believe that it can help lots of kids. I hope that it can help you too. Talk to you soon. Sander
KatieRoo: Hey everybody. My name is Katie. I’m 16-years old and I live in Ohio. MIBRN is basically a site where you can come and talk to people who have felt/experienced the same things you have. You are not alone in this world. I have seen a great change in myself in just a few months. There are people out there who are going through the same mess as you. Just remember – you first have to climb the mountain before you can see the beauty. I wrote this on my Message Board last week because I thought it was very important:
Your words/your thoughts ARE powerful/ARE meaningful. If no one listens then speak up until your voice is heard. Be brave in yourself – stand up for yourself for if you don’t believe in your words then who will?
How about just starting a convo with me!… I would love, love, love to just talk! Ok c ya! Katie
DannyL: Hi everyone. My name is Danny and I’m 14-years old. I’m in the 9th grade and I live in San Antonio, TX. To be honest, my uncle is Mr. Kevin’s husband. But even if that were not true I would still love this site. I’m gay and I came out to my mother and my friends at the end of the last school year. I get bullied all the time for being me, but I am learning how to deal with it. I have made lots of friends at MIBRN and they help me a lot. We talk all the time. When I have a question or a problem I can’t answer I will ask Mr. Kevin for his advice because he had many problems and was bullied when he was a kid like me. Mr. Kevin is the best! I think – no – I know – this site will help a lot of kids no matter what they are going thru. I hope to meet you soon. Danny
I couldn’t have said it better gang. Thank you! On behalf of the MIBRN community I would like to invite you all to come over and check us out. Here’s the link:
http://MakeItBetterRightNow.net
IT’S YOUR PLANET…MAKE IT BETTER RIGHT NOW
Thank you, Kevin, and all at MIBRN for doing what you do in the battle against bullying. ~Alan Eisenberg
