The Football Bully (A Personal Story)

You can never tell the suffering inside of people from how they might appear outside. I’m sure if you met Duane, the author of this story, you would not know of the pain he had when he was bullied. It stays and doesn’t go away and it takes time and help to heal. ~Alan Eisenberg

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I was a normal High School freshman, I was popular in the big city and joined the ROTC and played back yard football, then I transferred to a small town high school my mid freshman year.

I was the new kid and knew no one locally except for my family. Younger cousins only in this small town. Had no problems the rest of my freshman year and through the summer of school break. I returned to high school my sophomore year and decided to join the football team and knew right away the other players were all friends and played ball together starting in elementary school.

You had your rich farmers your local elected officials kids and then your trying to make it pay check to pay check family kids. I fell in the try to make it not popular and want to be liked kid. So I joined the football team and throughout my sophomore year I began to be picked on by this one local boy my age on a regular basis during football practice.

I was pushed and popped with a towel and laughed at and made fun of. This went on for most of my sophomore year, I never told anyone or made it known to anyone because it was embarrassing and it only happened during practice and maybe once or twice in the hall upon passing. I thought that if I didn’t say anything it would go away, but it didn’t and it was because others would edge him on and it was funny at my expense.

So one day in the locker room I made up my mind I had enough and if he bullied me one more time I was going to stand up for myself and if it caused me to be beat up then that was what was going to happen. He approached me and began to pick and push me and I all of a sudden and remember I just took it before and never made a sound before, I just all of a sudden push him off me and yelled back at him and told him if he wanted to fight less go and everyone got silent and I think I embarrassed him because he did nothing but go back to his locker and get dressed and left, and everyone else did the same, I was finally left alone and not bullied anymore by him or anyone.

I still wasn’t popular but had a few friends and enjoyed my last two years of high school not bullied. I just wish I had help some of the other kids in school that were being bullied also, but I guess I just was glade it wasn’t me anymore, I do feel sorry and wish I knew what I knew today and could go back to educate them. But it’s never too late to educate and help with stopping this type of crime. Just wanted to share with you, and I still remember all the details to this day 35+ years later.

~Duane

High School Friend Writes Internet Safety Book

 

My High School friend (and still my friend), Mark Peesel, just published his online book called “Internet Safety for Children“. He was nice enough to call me when he was writing it and ask if he could contribute my story about The Telephone as one of the first Cyberbullying tools used before the internet.

It was very kind of him to include me and the book is both comprehensive and well written. Mark takes the approach of writing both as a parent and as a web development expert that will offer support and help to both parents and children that all need to ensure that they look out for children and even themselves on the internet.

I am proud of my friend, Mark, for taking the effort to write and share these important tips with everyone. And thank you, Mark, for including my story.

The Bully Woman Chronicles

Bully, as a noun: “A blustering, browbeating person, especially one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”

You know who you are. You knew deep down that what you did through the years was wrong, but you did it anyway.  You enjoyed it. You took power and control and that’s the way you liked it.  To everyone else you put on a good show, but whenever I looked into your eyes I was looking into your wicked soul. To your real family and friends you were generous, loving and kind, but your wickedness did not delude your husband’s biological family, we knew better.

Bully, as a transitive verb: “To affect by means of force or coercion. Act aggressively towards.”

You saw a shattered, vulnerable family, saw an opportunity for control and authority and took it. You isolated and drove a wedge between two brothers. You caused a lifetime of estrangement within his entire family. We were his only brother, his daughters, his grand-daughters and his great-grandsons.

Bully, as an intransitive verb: “To use browbeating language or behavior on.”

Your conniving and taunting, your constant put downs gave you the ultimate high. Doing the right thing was never an option, it was always about you. You denied a dying man his last wishes because you felt threatened and outnumbered with all of us there. Only you mattered. Only your family was important. We were just pawns for your mockery and bullying, pieces of trash left out for garbage. Games of sister against sister, daughter against father were played and for what? Your husband treated your sons like his real family, yet you could not and would not reciprocate with yourbeloved husband’s children.

Synonyms: intimidate, browbeat, heckle, ride roughshod over, push around.

I am sure that you feel that you are above reproach, but you are not. Do you feel good that the man you claimed to love led a life full of hidden secrets and regret? Are you proud that you broke the strongest bonds in life: bonds of blood and love and family? Your sense of entitlement justified your actions, but at what cost?  It wasn’t one life that was affected, but many others.

Yes, you know who you are. Even now it doesn’t matter since in the end you got what you wanted. But I still had the last word and that is something that you can never take away from me. I held you accountable for the terrible things you did and said and finally, no matter how much you tried, you could not shut me up.  I knew then what you were and I knew through the years, but I never gave up and in the end I was still there. There was nothing you could say or do to stop me.

Bullying Isn’t Just For The Young

Here is a personal story from Wolf Starchild. You can learn more about him on his website at http://www.wolfmaan.com. He shares a story of adult bullying and makes it clear that, just because childhood ends, bullying does not. ~Alan Eisenberg

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They say that rumors spread through town in the time it takes for the truth to our on its jacket.

In today’s society the damaged will often prey on the strong, confident and successful in an effort to level the playing field. Add illicit narcotics into the mix and you have bullies who can become so egotistical they will believe their own lies.

Often thought of as something that only effects youth, bullying has become something that can happen to anyone at any time.

In recent times there have been reports of people being bullied so bad, they have taken their own lives to escape from the constant torment.

Like anyone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and is always open and honest, I have been the victim of strung-out, self-righteous bullies.

My bullying came in the form a junkie who decided that I was a serious threat to him and his way of life. It’s important never to try to understand the “why” of bullying. Normally bullies are very egotistical and lacking in mental stability. It’s their craving of power over others that drives them to do what they do.

The only way this person could cope with my status as an active member of my community, involved in the development of nature connection was to do their best to circulate a series of rumors that are both unverifiable and juicy.

It’s part of the human condition that we love gossip. We love hearing the “dirt” on others. The more outrageous the claims are, the more interesting it is. If you have difficulty believing this, watch any political debate before elections. They call it “mud-slinging”

Adult bullies are a whole different breed of bully than children. They don’t go round posting lies on social media sites, or make direct threats. Even pot-heads are aware these actions have consequences.

Instead, they go behind people’s backs and are sneaky. They circulate gentle rumors that are a mix of slightly believable, unverifiable And damaging to character all at the same time.

For example one individual who is a well-known drug user in the community one used their limited knowledge of me to create an intriguing, shocking, and unverifiable rumor that they still attempt to perpetuate to this day. Over a decade later. The rumor was that I cornered them in a public gathering and threatened them with a firearm.

The rumor was shocking, and unverifiable (there was no one else around at the time – of course) but was made easy to believe because I am the ex-military type and have always been pro-gun, and pro-freedom.

This rumor has plagued me for quite some time, and there is no real way to dispel it. The bully did a great job. The rumor has cost me many friendships and has made a great attempt to marginalize me as an individual.

Another more humorous rumor is that I was once the head of a cult somewhere in the United States and that some people had to break into the compound (all Navy Seal like) and extricate them from my grasp.

This rumor was spread when I was actively perusing a career as a travel writer and my work was published in magazines.

See the connection? I was actually off traveling and no one knew where I was, so it was easy to make up some amazing story to circulate.

Bullies are cowards. Never forget that. They will always use their best cloak and dagger routine to ensure that they do not get found out. This includes using fake names when they meet people.

Recently – after over a decade of cowardice idiocy, an acquaintance of mine received a phone call from someone who they refused to identify. They said this person informed them of all cult-leading and gun-toting things that I had supposedly done. Plus a few new rumors that I had not heard before.This placed doubt in my acquaintances mind. After a decade of silence, these bullies were at it again.

This acquaintance even reported the effects of these bullies on their business as a result of having a friendship with me. This got to the point where this acquaintance was bullied into no longer associating with me because of the lies and rumors being spread. This activity allowed the bullies to get a rush of power because through spreading lies they can manage to control others in such a gentle way that they can make someone feel its their decision for not associating with me.

The sad part about the constant rumors is that people hear what they wish to hear, and would much rather believe the lies. Even to the point of violence.

Social media provides creeper-bullies great opportunity to embellish stories based on things they can learn about you.

A truly self-righteous and demented bully will literally follow you around in an attempt to spread lies and rumors to damage your character. Even though most bullies are unintelligent, and egotistical, they are knowledgeable enough to know they can be in real legal trouble these days for their actions. This leads them to be extra sneaky when they spread their lies and push you around.

Sadly there is never much resolve for the victims of these deeply disturbed individuals. Unless there is solid proof of how they have tormented you, there is little legal recourse.

These adult, sick, strung-out, drug crazed individuals will often perpetuate a lie to the point they believe their own lies! They can often become so passionate about destroying someone they will stop at nothing until thy have marginalized, and alienated their victim. Sometimes to the point of suicide.

The only way to stop being victimized by bullies is to ignore them. Although a deeply disturbed individual will not be thwarted by being ignored. Attempting to defend yourself will often play into their already demented minds and make your situation significantly worse. Confronting the bully can sometimes escalate into physical violence or even more rumors being spread.

Truly the only safe way to take the power from bullies who start rumors and intimidate others is to ignore the rumors and not repeat them. This completely disarms a bully. By not perpetuating rumors and lies, you may even save someone’s career and maybe their life.

If you wish to help dispel the myths about you, and help your community – start volunteering. People will get to know the real you, and learn who you are. You will also be helping your community at the same tome as diffusing your tormentors. There is nothing more shattering to a bully than telling lies and spreading rumors about you then hearing: “oh I know him, that’s not true.”

~Wolf Starchild

Hard to Leave It Behind Me (A Personal Story)

Melanie shared her story here before back in June of last year call Their Taunts and Insults. It was a powerful story and as we all do, we hope when we share our story we can let it go. But for many, it’s just not that easy. Now Melanie has shared her feelings again with us and is asking for some help. Please share your thoughts with her as she looks to the community for support. ~Alan Eisenberg

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I do not know what to do. I thought after I told my story, that I can leave it all behind me. But I was wrong.

Memories haunt me in my dreams. I can think back on so many things.

Like the saying, “If you’d lived to Hitlers times, he would have gassed you with joy!”

And the terrible insults. “Witch, monster, freak, bitch, human being without friends, emo, ghost, ugly, fat …”. The rape threats. The one time where I was beaten. When they gave me the blame for everything.

The consequences of the years of bullying are serious.

Depression. Fear of humans. Suicidal thoughts. Suicide attempts. And so much more.

Twelve years. So many years have passed. And instead of that something has improved, it got worse.

I work for a year as volunteer assistant in a hospital (We call it Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr.).

I do help out in the mother + child Station. It’s fun to take care of the mothers and babies. To grant them any wish they have. If only that bullying would not be.

I do not know what I did wrong.

Every day I have a good mood. Every day I smile, I grin … Always be polite. I do whatever I’m told. I want to do everything right. Question, if I do not understand something.

I do my daily routine. Cleaned baby changing tables. Put clothes together. Distribute water and glasses. But every day I’ll be scolded. I clean the room not right when a Mom goes home. I order too much breakfast. If I do not know where something is stored, it is said again and again that I should know, after two months, where it should be. But if no one shows me where things are, I can not know that.

When I once asked if I could see a birth, came the answer that I would be immature. That it will be a treat. IF I work well. Also I was told that I am dependent. When I asked for examples, they said they had none.

They bully my personality,too. I have the level of a cat. I would like to get an education as a bilingual secretary. Or as a translator. To which came the reply that the level was too high for me. They also call me childish. Because I was running with a Santa hat through the Station. But I must say that the mothers liked it. They smiled and laughed and had so much fun. My colleagues say that it’s fun to see me suffer.

I have already complained. Attempts were made to clarify the conflict, but that never happened. I was described as the worst employee. In the end I have to say I was ashamed. And it got worse. The bullying.

Every day I go to work with stomach ache. Inwardly, I cry. Outwardly, I smile. But it takes a lot of strength. And right now, I fall apart. I have nothing to live for. Sometimes I wonder “Why are you still here?”. But then I think to myself, I am nothing. No one sees me. No one hears me. No one would notice if I was not there anymore. But I can not. I do not know what keeps me. But it’s there.

Sometimes I wonder, “Why do not run away? Relocate to another country? Begin a new life? And forget everything what happened?”

Nobody knows how much I suffer. And I need help.

I start a psychotherapy. But my fear is great that it does not help me.

Thanks for listening.

~Melanie

Am I Alone (A Personal Story)

Finding a source of hope, whether friends, family or, in the case of the story below, G-d, is an important part of getting through the bullying years we experience. The story below shows how the power of having that source of hope is so important. ~Alan Eisenberg

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As a little girl growing up, I’ve wanted to be the girl with the long hair and the nice figure. I didn’t start to sense my low self esteem until I reached the age of 6. I’ve started to noticed that I wasn’t skinny like the other little girls and I didn’t see myself as a beautiful image. But I’m so grateful that God accepted me for who I was. God doesn’t care about how you look on the outside, he cares about how you look on the inside. That’s what counts to him! Peoples outside beauty will pass away but the inside beauty is what stays.

By the age of 9, students in my class began to pick on me. I felt as I were all alone. I realized that when you are going through a situation, you feel like you are the only one going through it. Later on, I realized that many people my age go through being bullied year round, like I did. I’m just grateful that I have gotten through the pain and have forgiven those people. I will never forget the school day when I was 9 years old. My elementary teacher weighed us and she asked us how much we thought we weighed. When she got to me, I told her that I thought I weighed 70 pounds and she quickly said back to me, girl please, you weigh at least 130 Ibs. I also remember the time when my class was during an experiment in the 4th grade. My teacher asked for the biggest person in the class to come up and everyone pointed and laughed at me. My situation only got worse from there. I was picked on from the age of 9 to the age of 14. Sometimes, I would come home and go in my room to cry. I never once remembered to pray and that was a BIG mistake that I made. I wanted to end my life but I’m so grateful that God didn’t see me through the eyes that they did.

I remember being in the 5th grade like it was yesterday. It was towards the end of the school year and I was still being picked on. As I can remember it, it was the day of the awards show. I received two awards that day. Just before my teacher called my name,the boy sitting behind me whispered into my ear and said “Fat girl, Fat girl, Fat girl with a mustache” then he began to laugh. I began to cry in front of everyone and I suddenly jumped up out of my sit and ran to the bathroom. I remember spending a lot of my time in the bathroom. It was my safe haven away from all the hurt and pain I was experiencing. The bathroom was the place where I went to when I didn’t have any friends to sit with at lunch or when I wanted to escape the problems at school that I faced daily.

By the time I went to middle school, I was still quiet, shy and extremely insecure. I soon began to get picked on again. I was referred to as a clown because I use to wear so much makeup. I was trying to cover up how ugly I felt on the inside. I began to get fixed on my appearance more than what I did in elementary school. I remember standing outside the school waiting to go to my class, while I was talking to one of my friends. Suddenly, this guy passed me and said “move out the way fat girl”. I began to get upset and I started crying. I ran to the bathroom and I didn’t come out for an hour. By that time, my counselor was notified. I also remember the time when I was in math class in the 7th grade when a boy behind me yelled out ” Tell that fat girl to pull her shirt down”. The students in my class began to laugh and so did my teacher. I was hurt for so long until I let God come in and heal my heart.

When I was going through that horrible time in my life, I felt alone. But I thank God that I’m over it all now. I remember entering the 9th grade with a new attitude. God began to deal with me the summer before 9th grade. I was no longer the insecure girl anymore. I’m a living witness that you can live through the pain that you face in life. Maybe your husband has left you or someone in your life has died. You have to remember that God is still on the throne and he’s able to heal you, but you have to let him. God is ready to step in and start the healing process for you. Psalm 147:3 declares that God will heal your broken heart.

~Deniqua

Dan’s Story 2011 (A Personal Story

According to the Center for Disease Control statistics, suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year . Among these statistics, it’s also been found that bullying victims are between 2-9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims. While there is no hard and fast number for bullycide, because not everyone leaves a note, we know that there are many victims every year. Autumn shared her story about this issue below with a strong message for everyone to read. I hope you do and share with those that need to hear her powerful words.  ~Alan Eisenberg

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Back in 8th grade, my friend Alexis and I made friends with one of our other friends neighbors. His name was Dan. Everyone saw him as a loser because he had a bad past from being in and out of Juvenile School, and be and ex drug addict. But, he turned out to be a really cool kid.

One of my friends, Tyler, was really good friends with him. In fact, they were like brothers. They were together almost everyday. If it wasn’t at the park, it was at the mall or somewhere else that they would be able to hangout. It was kind of scary how much time they spent together sometimes. It almost seemed as if they were actually related. In the month of September, in 9th grade I started dating Tyler for the second time. The first time I dated him was in 8th grade, but that’s besides the point.

I’ll never forget forget my tennis match on September 12, 2011. I had just finished my match, and I was waiting for the other girls to finish when I decided to log into Facebook. Not expecting anything out of the ordinary, such as girls relationship status’ changing and just seeing what people were doing on that day, I came to a very odd post. It was “R.I.P. Dan. You’ll be forever remember.”

It was just posted a minute before I saw it, so thinking of the first Dan I knew, I immediately thought of my friend Dan. Praying it wasn’t him as the page loaded, I think some sweat ran down my forehead and my heart sped up to an unbearable heartbeat.

As soon as it loaded, I immediately scrolled down to the posts. In fact, it was Dan. My friend. My boyfriends brother. My friends neighbor. My Dan. I couldn’t believe it. As tears started streaming down my face of confusion and disbelief, my friend Mackenna came over to me asking me the immediate question “what’s wrong?”

I looked at her for about five second without even having and answer. I tried talking but all I could get out was a faint noise before more and more tears started streaming. I showed her my phone and she stared in disbelief before taking from my hand to take in the news.

More and more people asked what had happened, and I had to have Mackenna tell them because I was unable to talk without crying. I immediately texted Alexis to tell her what had happened and she didn’t believe me at first and thought I was playing some sick and twisted joke. I told her she had to check Facebook. After checking her Facebook, she called me in disbelief crying and asking why things like this happen. I really didn’t know how to reply to a question like that, not knowing the answer myself.

My coach came over telling me “It’s just a match, there’s no reason to cry” and I just looked up at him and looked right back at the ground, still unable to say anything. Mackenna told him what had happened and he was completely lost for words. He walked away with a saddened look on his face.

Later that day, I called my friend, and pretty much brother Conner. He’s a firefighter and I had seen on Facebook that he was on the scene after it happened. It was discovered that Dan had committed suicide. He was only 16 years old, but he decided that he couldn’t do it. There was, soon after, an investigation because there was suspicion that Dan’s dad had killed him and made it look as a suicide attempt. But, it was, in fact, concluded suicide.

About a week after the incident, everyone found out what it was over. It was all over bullying. Now, to everyone who is reading this, I’m not writing this because I want to share a sob story, or because I want people to feel bad. I’m writing this because I want people to listen. A simple joke to you, might be taken the complete wrong way to someone else. To my friend Dan, the bullies were never found because it was posted over an anonymous site.

Bullying doesn’t just effect the person, it effects everyone. Sometimes that bullying is taken to an extent that some people just can’t take. Like in my friend Dan’s story. The one thing I’ll never forget is at his funeral, when his mom was standing at his casket looking at him and saying “Dan, please baby, wake up. It’s okay, just wake up.” It killed my heart to see that. So, please think before you say something, or stand up for someone to that bully. You could be saving a life.

~Autumn