Why Do They Do It? (A Personal Story)


Below is Chris’s story and one that is difficult to read. He talks of paranoia and fear and right now he is feeling it, yet only a few months away from getting away. He asks for help at the end, really a cry for help. Can anyone answer his call? ~Alan Eisenberg


My names Chris. I’ve been bullied from the time I step foot on my secondary school ( Year 7 ) till present day ( Year 11 ) .

I have 3 more months left until absolute freedom, and I’m really stressing to find out how long 3 months actually fly past to anyone who’s been bullied for a long time at 16 years old. I am experiencing a lot of cussing and laughing and taunting from many boys in my year, and I actually don’t know how long I can stay strong before I have a breakdown. I’m frightened to see certain boys in my year every day because I know if I see them in my lessons or in the playground, the same thing always comes, the taunting about how i got pushed or who i am as a person.

I am really really confused into why they do it, and I have managed to not cry from the very point i realised I am starting to get hated by people and getting cussed till now, but I really am starting to crack. I HATE those boys, and i don’t know what to do at this moment of time. The fact that there’s only 3 months left is the only thought i have got to hang on to, but i feel depressed, frightened about walking past or getting attention from the specific, horrible bullies, i feel paranoid, every night I’m going to bed without having to think what happened today, WHY it happened. What could’ve happened if they just left me alone, why do they HAVE to taunt me, am I that much different from a normal human? do they have to do what they did today? Every night I try to block out those thoughts by keeping myself occupied with something, but it’s always there. Even now I’m paranoid about what might happen If actually, the bullies might see this on the internet and taunt me even more back at school.

I”m frightened and paranoid of what’s going to happen tomorrow in a specific lesson, at a specific time, If i try to try new ways into avoiding that boy, moving away from him, try to not get his attention, it would force myself to not be MYSELF, to not hang out with my friends in that area, since they have no problem into hanging in that area and don’t recieve any bullying. I have no reason to just force them to come with me because im getting bullied, That would seem greedy. They are great friends, so that covers it.

I have no idea what to do. Does anyone experience this in some sort of way, or have they been through those times and is a recovering victim? I don’t know what to do. I really need some help into what i should do. Should i stick it out for the remaining 3 months? I’m getting so much headaches when I go to sleep, i hold on to my will and strength into not crying because of many factors. For one im a boy, and boy’s don’t cry. But im on the edge. I spoke to my local GP, and he said I;m not going mad, im just very frightened, extremely scared, and that it’s not my fault. I hold on to this thought as well, but it really seems that i can’t take much of this anymore, even for three months. I pray. But that’s it. I don’t believe in karma, because i know for a fact karma hasn’t helped for such a long time.

To anyone who happens to read this, and is one of those boys/girls at 16 who have been through this horrible struggle, I hope to share your experiences and gain more hope into pulling through this traumatizing months. To everyone who have been a victim, i know what you can be going through. Even though I am struggling myself, I’m hear to say that

THEY ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE BETTER THAN YOU. YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY NATURE MADE YOU AND THE WAY YOU WERE BROUGHT UP. IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THAT YOU HAPPEN TO COME ACROSS SUCH DISGUSTING BULLIES. THEY ARE NOT BETTER THEN YOU. ANY NAME THAT THEY CALL YOU CANNOT MAKE YOU WEAKER OR WORSE THAN WHAT YOU ARE NOW. THEY CANNOT REMOVE YOUR TALENTS OR YOU EXISTENCE BY MOVING THEIR LIPS AND MAKING SUCH HORRIBLE SOUNDS COME OUT. THEIR OPINIONS CANNOT DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON. YOU ARE STRONG. BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, THESE ARE JUST WORDS ON A COMPUTER, BUT PRETEND THIS IS A VOICE. THEIR OPINIONS DON’T MATTER. YOUR LIFE CANNOT BE BASED ON THEIR OPINIONS. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.

THERE IS AN END TO EVERY ROAD. I’M SURE OF IT. HOW YOU TRAVEL THE ROAD IS WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE, HOW YOU DEAL WITH THESE BULLIES ARE EVERYTHING. DON’T MAKE THEM BIGGER THEN YOU. THEY THINK THEY ARE, BUT THEY ARE NOT.

I’m going through these very stages as I speak. I hope that these 3 months can end, but I’m desperate. Please advise me into what to do during these three months. I will be SO grateful to hear from anyone that is going through or has been through this.

The best wishes in everything you do people. Be happy, stay safe, and good luck. the very best of it.

I hope i pull through this, and If i do, i will come back to this blog and share with you some more. =)

~Chris

17 thoughts on “Why Do They Do It? (A Personal Story)

  1. Hi, Chris,
    I’m not a boy but I know what it is to be bullied. I went through years of it; of course, when I got to college, all of this turned around and I went on to a professional career and doing wonderful things, while the stupid girls who used to bully me are now stuck back there in that same city in their same ignorant ruts. As you know–and yes, it is good to remind yourself–things will change and you WILL be all right; the bullying will end once school is over.
    I don’t know why most bullying seems to happen at school. I think those guys must be under pressure there and don’t see they shouldn’t take out their fear on other kids. It is disgusting that they don’t fight back instead against the school rules, or against having to go to school, or against whatever it is that’s *really* bothering them, instead of taking it out on a good person like you.
    You will get past this. You will not collapse. They will not destroy you. And it is not you who has caused their behavior, in any way.
    Let me tell you, too, what I’ve told my sons (because yes, this bullying victim grew up to have wonderful experiences and very wonderful sons)—It is all right for a boy to cry! That nonsense about “Boys don’t cry” is just that–nonsense. Go ahead and cry (do it when no one’s around if the kids around there don’t know better–apparently they are quite ignorant). Crying helps let your feelings out and you will feel stronger afterward. I have read that soldiers after (and sometimes before) a battle often–often–cry, and they are still courageous; some of the most courageous men cry.
    You know, I bet some of your good friends would feel it was an honor if you asked them to stand with you in the areas where bullying occurs. You are not being greedy if you ask them this; you are offering them a chance to be proudful men. But yes, this is only with your *good* and well trustable friends, I agree.
    Best to you, Chris—how brave of you to write and how kind of you to let us share this with you.
    —Paula

  2. Chris, I was a teacher for 31 years and cannot believe that no adult, teacher or administrator, has not helped you. Do the teachers see the bullying? Do they ever say anything to you? What can you do to get through these last 3 months? For one, just keep telling yourself that you are perfect just the way you are right now. It’s important to keep your friends close to you as much as possible. It’s not being selfish- that’s what friends are for. When you get home from school, don’t hide in your room. Stay with your family. Surround yourself with the people that love you. I’m not a therapist or anything, I just know that staying around love will help. And keep reminding yourself it IS three months, and the rest of your life begins!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!! Love and Blessings to You!
    Jane

  3. Whats going on Chris? I know that what you are going through is tough, simply because I have been through the same experience when I was in school. Thank God you only have three months left friend, but until then I want you to remember a few things. One, EVERYONE cries sir..even men. Crying has been socialized by media and people in general as a sign of weakness. When you hold in how you really feel, your making everything work. I am a man; and although I do not cry often; when I do it is HIGHLY THERAPEUTIC!

    As far as the bullying and the remaining three months; sir I would let adults and others who could be of some assistance to you become aware of what these bullies are doing. You never know what accommodations they can make for your situation. I would also place positive messages around your room, and keep a calendar to mark off the days in which you will be free from your school for motivation! Keep in mind Chris, although this is not easy; make sure you monitor how you react to bullying. A lot of times, bullies feed off of the reaction that you give them. If you seem hurt from what they are saying, that motivates them to continue to bully. If you act like it doesn’t bother you; and you can even laugh at what they are saying to diffuse the situation, and confuse them ( worked for me when I was younger). I hope this information helped you out friend. STAY STRONG SIR, you can persevere, and YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS! This will make you a stronger person! BTW.. you want to know why people bully one another…

    Why Do Kids Bully?
    1. To be accepted
    2. Makes them look “cool”
    3. May be going through rough times with family, or within household
    4. Repeating what they see in Media
    5. To hide their own insecurities
    6. To bring others down because they feel down

    It’s really more so because of them than you.. believe me. Love, peace, and soul family.

    Mr. Hood

  4. Hey Chris,
    your story inspired me! I too have been bullied. I’m 16 as well and can’t wait to move onto bigger and better things. I know that hanging tough is one of the hardest things that you can do. the good thing is that when you make it through (and i know you will) you will feel a sense of accomplishment because you were bigger and stronger than all of those bullies. The thing that you need to remeber is that you have a support system and you have a lot of pople that care about you and that are going to help you through this tough time. Be strong! You can do it:)

  5. Hi Chris –
    Hang in there bud, you are better than those idiots. I mean it, they are truly sad individuals who are not getting what they need at home or are themsleves are being abused so they are taking thier frustrations and hatered out on someone else. You are obviously a special person and very smart for reaching out. This will pass and after three months you won’t have to ever see these idiots again. I survived highschool being bullied verbally and physically. Today I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children and some amazing friends. You will be free of the tourment that you feel today and you will have control of your life – I promise! Then one day you can have a beautiful family of your own too. :) Hang tough.

  6. Hi Chris,

    I know how it feels like to be bullied. Its hard and you feel isolated. I had a big group of friends who could help me with it so the bullying ended quite quickly since they got teachers and paents involved, but if felt like forever. Remember, even if the people who support you arent with you, we are still hear to help you. :)

  7. Dear Chris,
    I’m an 18 year old and I two have been bullied… The really sad part about me being bullied and picked on is that I’m a Senior and the boys who are picking on me are Sophomores… It really upset’s me because I am such a nice person and they have no right or reason to pick on me. I have never done anything to them but they think it’s funny… Actually, I stood up to one yesterday, he did whatever they do to pick on me and I turned around and told him to shut up. I knew what his name was and his sister is my friend. But they just think it makes them better people. To know that they can hurt people who are older and wiser. Bullies are just cruel and rude… Just hold in there for that 3 more months, I know that’s what I am doing considering that I graduate this year. Just hold on! :)

  8. Thank you for sharing this story. I know its very hard for you, even me, as I’m reading it. But just hold on for 3 months, I know you can do it. Be more positive and don’t let them discourage you, you know you’re better than them. One day, these experiences will mold you into a better and successful person.

  9. Chris,

    I have five children all older than you, so my advice does not come from how I prevented my children from being bullied. It does center on me when I was in school many years ago. The worst of it started in my Freshman year in a rural high school in the midwest. I had gone to a one room country school from second grade to the eighth and had minor problems with older boys teasing me which only managed to make me not want to attend, but as the years in grade school passed I became the older boy and learned from their mistakes never wanting to pick on anyone. That all changed when I entered high school, I was the only kid in my class that was an outsider and they made me pay for it for three and a half years. It wasn’t only my classmates but the upper classmen. There were times I wish I was somewhere else and tried to avoid any confrontation with those that enjoyed picking on me. There were a few that were nice to me and I guess it was those few that made me feel worthwhile. I struggled with this and on top of that my oldest brother added his two cents when he was around. You see I was small for my age, 5′ 2″ and 110 pounds at graduation, but that never stopped me from graduating. I didn’t hang around any of the people I graduated with, but found people who accepted me for who I was. Through the years I managed to find out that who I really was and decided all that stuff I had been teased and bullied about really wasn’t that important. I managed to graduate from college with a high grade point average and have always found that if you can find that inner person who is actually stronger than we think there is nothing you cannot accomplish. We didn’t have a place to go when we were bullied since it seemed to be a common thing back then. I did have parents that loved me even though I never brought up the bulling issue, I just hid it away deep inside of me.
    My advise to you is to never try to hide something that takes the joy from life, it way to short to have something knawing at your insides. Speak up to those that will listen ask for help and don’t be intimadated by those who wish to call you names for speaking up. Life is difficult enough just trying to do the right thing with adding any other burdens. Chris take it from someone who has been there life is full of many pleasant things and all this will pass as time goes by.
    As for those who were the bullies, they still live in their small town with their small ideas. I have read about some of their children in the local papers and how much trouble they have been in. As for my own children, they learned how never to be judgemental of others, never to place themselves about anyone else. This doesn’t mean that I have forgotten what happened when I was younger and sometimes it does make me a little angry, but I don’t dwell on it because it isn’t worth my time.
    So stand strong and even though I don’t know you personally I’m on your side and all those that are in similar situations.

    Tom Burdess

  10. Dear Chris, I was bullied like you, and like you, I thought I wouldn’t survive it. My family moved from Wisconsin to Florida in my 10th grade year and that was my crime, I was new and I was different. Once a bully targets you it is almost like “Open Season” on you and other bullies jump in. I was excluded, I was teased, people spread maliscious rumors about me, wrote disparaging things on bathroom walls about me, and laughed and pointed and whispered to the point that twice I ran crying out of the school and went home. How did I cope? I put all my energy into getting away and making my plans to go to college. I signed up for early entry at the local community college so I only had to spend half days with my tormentors. Mostly, I just kept telling myself “it is not ME it is THEM!” In other words there is nothing wrong with me, they are wrong to be hurting me. Can you talk to someone at the school and leave somehow, homeschool or transfer or something? It will get better and when you leave you will be able to re-invent yourself. Be the boy you want to be. Mostly just get yourself away. I hope I have helped. I am grown now with 2 kids of my own and my son is being bullied right now. He is 11 and I have contacted his teacher and hope to help him overcome this bully and develop resilience. Please hang in there…..I have been there and it is sunny on the other side of this struggle! Jill :)

  11. Hey Chris,

    Pull through it Man, I used to have the same problem three years back,I was bullied up to 8th grade, but one summer I decided I wasn’t going to be the shy,scared girl I once was, so The next time I got bullied that following school year, I stood up for my self and said Stop, I don’t get picked on anymore and am more confident in myself! I’v got two years of school left and I look forward to it! just be more confident in your self and don’t put up with they’re bullying

  12. Hey Chirs,
    I would offer my sympathies but i’m sure you don’t want that. It’s alright to feel upset and angry because thats normal. i know what it’s like to get bullied but hearing your honest story inspired me and i’m sure everyone who has read this. You are not alone. Ok? I gotta stress that. You sound like such a nice guy and i don’t know why those jerks would do that to you but i do know that you can pull through it! You are strong but even the strongest of us need to cry. It’s alright to cry, the whole ‘boys don’t cry’ thing is silly. Everyone has their break downs and it not something to be ashamed of. Stay Strong Man. You are special and so much better than them! Remember that!

    Iona

  13. hey,
    i as you am also a high school student. i really dont get bully but i am trying to help kids like you to you know to get throu gh this. first, what i would like to say is that every one is different in there own way. some are just not as normal as the rest. and the normal people just dont get us. i dont really know what type of things they do to you. but you know just try to talk to them if you havent. and be like “hey, way are you doing this, i dont like it and i would like it if you stop. if i where you i would get help from a friend. if they are your friends, they’ll help you out. i know my friends would. but people like that dont need your attention. i would ignore them. or if they say things to me i may be like, “so”. or “and your telling this to me why?” or “so you think that by doing this things to me or acting like an a## you think it will break me or make you better then me?”….. “you being like this only let me know that you will end up working for me.” i really dont know what things they do you you every day so i can’t say much. hope this makes you feel better. those boys arn’t ready to face the world like you. they arn’t better then you nor anybody els.
    don’t let them get to you. :) >,< life will get better.

  14. Dude, I always thought that I was alone . . . you know, having these reflections of life as I like to call it. . . And when I read your story, wow . . . . usually i kept these stuff for myself.
    Just for an advice. You got one friend who is close to you or someone who can at leat tolerate with you? If you do than hold on to these guys . . . They might or are your true best friends.

    Love from Indonesia . . .
    ‘Terus Bertahan, kamu pasti bisa’
    Translate that in google :)

    (Sorry for bad English)-Risyad

  15. Stick it through, one of the best feelings is knowing that you accomplished something great, even though it was hard.

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