They Believe What? – The Non-Verbal Cues Argument

Clark McKown, who Fox TV identifies as a lead bullying researcher, is saying that the kids that get picked on by bullies have a problem reading and understanding non-verbal communication. This researcher places the issue of bullying square on the shoulders of the one who is being bullied. I’m giving you this information, but not sure I truly believe it. While there may be truth to the study, to say that the victim has brought on the bullying by their inability to read non-verbal cues is equal in my eyes in saying a woman that is raped should have been able to predict this based on the way they behaved with the rapist.

While my opinion might create an argument, I’m all for that, because I really feel this kind of research is detrimental in getting to the real future solution, which to me is based on making the consequences for bullying more dramatic and helping vicitms and bullying through better counselling.

Mr. McKown goes on to say that bullying victims should get help by parents by the parent:

• Asking the child to identify their mistake
• Help the child identify the non-verbal missed cue
• Create an imaginary, but similar scenario to help teach the child to see the non-verbal cue

Well, I am speechless here. To ask a parent to try to figure this out with the child this way doesn’t seem realistic to me. Also, there are children that I personally know who have mild forms of autism or Asperger’s Syndrome that just don’t have the cognitive ability to pick up on these things. And yes, most of them deal with bullying issues. But shouldn’t we spend our time working with the bullies to help them understand what they are doing wrong? Anyway, here’s the video and you can judge for yourself. Would love feedback on this one. What are your thoughts to his study and belief?

Suicide from Cyberbullying In Massachusetts

Phoebe Prince

Phoebe Prince was a 15 year old Irish immigrant who had moved to Hadley, Massachusetts with her family. According to an article in The Boston Globe, Phoebe was often bullied by girls who called her nasty names and harassed her both in school and on the web social sites.  Again, according to The Boston Globe, on the day of her death, Jan. 14, 2009, Phoebe was walking home from school when bullies drove by in a car, hurling insults and an energy drink in her direction. Prince kept walking to her house, straight to her closet, and hanged herself.

To make matters worse, even after her death on the memorial page, the nasty comments continued to be posted. According to articles in the Boston papers, upwards of 30 kids from her school were being investigated in her death. One article goes on to quote a parent:

“Things like this aren’t supposed to happen in South Hadley,’’ said Darby O’Brien, a high school parent, wondering why the bullies who tormented Phoebe are still in school. “And so instead of confronting the evil among us, the reality that there are bullies roaming the corridors at South Hadley High, people are blaming the victim, looking for excuses why a 15-year-old girl would do this. People are in denial.’’

Having grown up in Massachusetts I was hopeful some of this has changed. But according to most of the articles, it hasn’t. The parents are outraged and the school seems to be covering up the matter. Of course the sad part is that a child is lost and no matter the outcome of what the school does for discipline, the parents will never get their daughter back.

CBS television is also reporting this case as it progresses and those that were the bullies are disciplined either in school or court.  The site Boston.com quotes some school officials as saying:

…The South Hadley School Committee will discuss antibullying policies at the town’s four schools. A system-wide review had been underway for 18 months, as instances of bullying crept into schools, officials said.

At the request of the Prince family, there will be no discussion of the girl’s death, said Edward Boiselle, the school committee chairman.

An 18 month review of an ongoing problem (ongoing as in for as far back as most remember) seems ridiculous. As they review, more children are victims and the result can be a suicide. To say that bullying crept into the schools is somewhat insulting. It’s been there for a long time and will continue to be there until laws or school policies are more direct at the punishments for these attacks. The only bright light is that these stories get more national attention now with the internet and one would hope that that alone would start to enact more change.

Here’s a video from the CBS News on the story:

Bullies to Buddies – A Different Approach

In my search to bring you information on solutions to the Bullying issue out there, I stumbled upon “Bullies to Buddies” a site and solution concept developed by Izzy Kalman.  He has a unique and controversial approach to empowering youth to help solve their own bullying problems.

Kalman says about his program that “Bullies to Buddies” is a truly psychological approach to bullying. It teaches people how to stop being bullied on their own, without anyone’s help and without getting anyone in trouble. To learn more about their program you can go to their website at http://www.bullies2buddies.com.

You can also download their free manuals for your own self help and to learn more at: http://www.bullies2buddies.com/Resources/Download-Free-Manuals. It’s certainly a unique approach that you can investigate further and see if you feel it is right for you. I would believe that depending on both your situation, area laws, and geographical location, you might need to use a different approach with a bullying issue.

Bullying Incident#20: The Dunes (1973)

There was really a point where I thought that I was done telling the personal bullying stories from my youth. Memory is a very funny thing and how memories return to you that are stuck in the recesses of the brain still fascinates me.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if memories get lost over time, only to be found at a trigger moment. The other thing it makes me wonder is if these lost memories are always true memories at all. This one came back to me recently. I think it stayed back in the lost area of my mind, because it wasn’t as dramatic or have the full effect on me as the kids bullying me in school did. This was quite a different situation, where an adult was the one bullying and I was a very young child, no more than five.

The Dunes

I was living in Bowie, Maryland at the time, not yet having moved to Lexington, Massachusetts. Down the road from my house was  a place my sister and I called “The Dunes”. In my mind even today, it was a large sandy dunes place that was a far cry different from our suburban home. But in reality, it was probably just a large dirt construction zone. No matter, to my sister and I it was the desert of Arabia and we could go there and have adventures.

One day we ventured out to “The Dunes” which was at the end of our street for another one of our play adventures. We got out there and started playing as I recall. After some time, some men came along. They were dressed in hunting gear and were holding Bows with Arrows. I can’t tell you why, although this was the early 70’s and it’s more than likely they were hunting (lucky guess on my part, huh?).

When they saw us, they must have decided it would be fun to scare us off. It’s too long ago for me to recall what they said, but I do recall having immediate fear at seeing them. After all, they had weapons. That’s when one of them decided to string an arrow in his bow and point it at me.

Who knows why he would do this? Again, not recalling what he said, but it was pretty much a threat comment telling us to get out of there or he’d kill us. Now to kids, I can tell you this seemed like a very real threat. In the end, I’m sure it was just to scare us and get a chuckle from his friends. But, again I ask the why question. Why would a full grown adult threaten kids, jokingly or not. Just like why would an adult mother get on MySpace and bully a teenage girl. Same question, different day.

Of course my sister and I ran out of there as fast as we could. “The Dunes” play area was now ruined for us. We would not frequent that spot again and would be scared of these men returning if we did.

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Bullying Victims Have More Health Issues

Feeling Alone

An article posted on MSNBC on January 26th discusses a recent study conducted in Australia that shows evidence that victims of bullying have lingering mental and physical health problems as adults. As I have discussed previously in my blog, there is now evidence that being bullied as a child has long-term effects and leaves scars on adults.

A study published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry found that adults that were bullied as children were more likely than those that weren’t to suffer from depression and anxiety, and also physical ills, such as fatigue, pain, and a greater susceptibility to colds and sickness.

Nearly 3,000 Australian adults were surveyed and almost 19% of them reported that they had been victims of constant and traumatizing bullying. According to the study:

After taking into account factors that can impact mental and physical health, such as age, gender, income, employment, education and marital status, the researchers found that bullying was linked to later problems with mental and physical health.

No one knows exactly how bullying might lead to future physical health problems, says the study’s lead author, Dr. Stephen Allison, a researcher in the department of psychiatry at Flinders University of South Australia. But, he adds, scientists suspect that the daily stress of being bullied can translate into long-term damage to your body.

Interestingly enough, the article also discusses something else I have brought up before, the activation of our natural “Fight or Flight” reaction when threatened. This releases hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, speeds up your heart and tenses your muscles. If this happens frequently, due to the chronic bullying or stress, the conclusion is that it can weaken your immune system and also cause pain.

The article goes on to say:

Allison and his colleagues found that adults who’d been bullied as kids reported poorer overall health and said that health problems often got in the way of both work and leisure activities. Those who had been bullied also were more likely to report body aches and pains and to complain of low energy levels and fatigue.

The new study extends to the more immediate effects other researchers have noticed in bullied kids, says William Pollack, an associate clinical professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Centers for Men and Young Men at Harvard’s McLean Hospital.

The hope as these study results are released is that schools will take the problem more seriously. It isn’t just an issue for the child, but studies are showing the long-term effects. Something that I believe and based this blog on several years ago when I started it. There are some ideas given by experts in the article as well:

Experts say there are some things parents can do to help their child while pushing the school to do more…What parents can do is to help develop their child’s confidence, Kazdin says. The best way to do that is to encourage them to get good at something they’re interested in, for instance, joining the school band or trying out for the cross-country team. Parents also need to remember to help repair the damage that bullying does to a child’s self-esteem, says Pollack. “You need to tell the child that this isn’t happening because there’s something wrong with him.”

These studies continue to tell people we are not alone in the long-term effects of bullying. As parents we need to stay vigilant and ensure that we help those that have suffered from constant bullying. As my last blog pointed out, even witnesses to bullying are shown to have some long-term effects. I, for one, am glad to see that these studies are being done and publicized so word can get out.

Journal Reference:
Does school bullying affect adult health? Population survey of health-related quality of life and past victimization – Authors: Stephen Allison, Leigh Roeger, Nova Reinfeld-Kirman. Published: Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry.

New Study Shows Problems for Bullying Witnesses

A new study published in the December 2009 issue of School Psychology Quarterly shows that those who witness the bullying of others are also at harmed psychologically by the event.

It should come as little surprise, since most people understand that there are psychological consequences for children who witness their parents or other adults arguing or fighting. But, this is one of the first studies to show evidence of the damage it causes.

Researchers asked over 2002 mostly white children aged 12-16 about how much they’d been a bully, been bullied or witnessed a bullying event over the last school term. 63% said they’d seen bullying happening, 20% admitted to bullying someone, and 34% reported being bullied themselves.

Then the students were asked questions about their mental health, their use of cigarettes, alcohol, or other drugs. The results were somewhat surprising. It showed that being a witness to bullying was associated with an increase in mental health issues and substance abuse. There was an increase in anxiety and depression in the children who admitted to only being a witness to bullying events.

While all avenues were not explored in the study, it does say that school counselors should look at the effects of bullying on bystanders as well when treating the bullying issue in their schools. As stated in the study by Rivers, Poteat, Noret, and Ashurst, there is already documentation that children and adolescents who are exposed to violence within their families or outside of school are at greater risk for mental health problems. So why should witnessing bullying violence be different.

Journal Reference:
Rivers et al. Observing bullying at school: The mental health implications of witness status.. School Psychology Quarterly, 2009; 24 (4): 211 DOI:10.1037/a0018164

Article Reference:
American Psychological Association (2009, December 15). Witnesses to bullying may face more mental health risks than bullies and victims. ScienceDaily. Retrieved January 26, 2010, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091214121449.htm

Who Can You Call For Support

For some reason I never thought to do this before, but I just did a Google search to try to find support phone numbers or emails for bullying.  I figured there had to be many groups or a U.S. Government sponsored hotline to help those in need of support for issues of bullying and school violence.

Well…I gave up after spending about 10 minutes trying to find a group in the United States that I could put here for you to call if need be. I’m not sure if I’m missing something, but I consider myself a power user when it comes to internet searches. I tried lots of keywords, but no site came up that gave me a phone number or email for support on bullying issues.

I hope that I am wrong and you know of one out there. If so, comment to this post and list it. The true shame is that I don’t believe there is a U.S. HOTLINE out there that deals specifically with bullying issues and has people to help you and others if needed. I would certainly like to see that happen and maybe I just missed it. I hope so.

What set me off on the search was a post that I had read from someone’s blog. It’s a new blog and you can read that post here.  After reading that story, I thought for sure I’d find a hotline number I could offer for people. Well, I didn’t find it. Again, please list one if you know one. If no one knows of one, well maybe it’s time to try to get one started.